Ladies, Here’s how to know if he is ‘the one’ on a first date

 

On a first date one should not expect perfection. However, there are certain red flags that should set you thinking whether the guy is worth a second chance. Often I hear it repeated, that I knew this guy was not good for me from the first date but I pressed on anyway, hoping that he was going to change. I would say; “follow your instincts”.

Be on your best behaviour and do not give excuses; it’s too early in the relationship to accept what’s not right. You know that this is not the one yet you say to yourself, I will fix him, I will clean him up, and yes, when we have kids, he will change and become responsible. The first date is important and it should be the basis of whether or not you will give the guy another opportunity.

Are you his priority?

When a guy asks you out for a date, that evening you ought to be his priority. It is an opportunity to enjoy each other’s company, get to know one another better. If the guy has his eyes and mind elsewhere and you are not his priority then I would simply say you have it wrong. If he is engrossed in the game or other company then he might as well not have invited you out. I would say don’t bother giving the second date a thought.

It is all about his ex

If he spends the entire evening talking about his ex, or his recent break up, instead of caring to know your second name, I would say, walk; he is not ready for a relationship, he needs a therapist and you don’t offer those services.

He drinks too much

This guy is drinking one after the other and has lost count of how much he has drunk ordering even before he has finished and complaining about the service. I would be cautious. Addictions are formed as a result of bad habits, why put up with this one on a first date when it could become your thorn for the rest of your life.

He complains about his relationships

If he shares his poor relationships with his mother, friends, siblings and even boss, I would be concerned. If he is unable to manage the relationships so far, how well can he manage and complement you as you join the family. I would say give him time to get it together.

The evening conversation is all about him

If the entire evening is all about him, his accomplishments, and has paid no interest in you as a person, there is a red flag. At the end of it he wants to take you to his house, probably even before you have had desert and suggests that he has some good chocolate cake at home; walk away. He probably is only thinking dinner, bed and breakfast and the package that comes with that! Walk away.

Potentially values conflict

If he shares strong views on politics, faith, and culture that is divergent from yours and you sense fundamental differences in your beliefs; fundamental issues do not change with marriage. It always surprises me how many say “I do” hoping to influence change, which regrettably does not happen as desired and threatens the relationship. Not every difference is a deal breaker, however, apply intellect and wisdom concerning these matters.

Phone etiquette

While we are digital and communicate 24/7, it is prudent and good manners to avoid lengthy phone communication on a first date. If he’s on the phone too much, it becomes a matter of concern. Addictive behaviour patterns can be difficult to change, be sensitive and observe behaviour patterns. There are several red flags to watch out for, I have shared seven and request that you add on to the list, ensure you date the right guy from day one so that you can enjoy a fruitful relationship.

The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, Marriage Built to Last You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke