Survive Valentine's Day without texting your ex

Survive Valentine’s Day without texting your ex (Photo: Gemini)

Valentine’s season has arrived once again. Roses are expensive, restaurants are suddenly fully booked and couples are posting soft-life photos as though love were a full-time job. Meanwhile, the single population has decided: if we cannot beat them, we will at least make it funny.

Across social media, single people are sharing memes suggesting they should drink on Friday evening and simply wake up on Sunday, once the Valentine’s drama has passed. The plan is simple: disappear before the love quotes start flying and reappear when chocolate prices drop. A survival strategy, honestly.

Then there is another category, the strategic single ladies. They are quietly monitoring their friends in relationships. Not for gossip. For resources. They wait patiently for their coupled-up friends to hand over Valentine leftovers; chocolates, snacks, perhaps even an extra teddy bear “by mistake”. After all, why should love be the only thing being shared? Friendship is a beautiful thing, especially when it comes with imported chocolate.

Some singles decided to think long-term. They claim to have planted their flowers early so that by 14 February, they would have bloomed perfectly. Unfortunately, reality has entered the chat. But “hazija mea” (they haven’t grown). Now they are staring at soil and their life choices, wondering whether next year they should simply plant money instead.

Then come the entrepreneurs. The Valentine hustlers. These are proudly announcing that they are selling custom-made poems; emotional, dramatic and guaranteed to make someone’s partner cry (hopefully happy tears). And if business is slow? They are willing to dance for couples on 14 February. Because rent does not care about relationship status.

Perhaps the funniest part is how singles have turned Valentine’s Day into a team sport. Group movie nights. Group dinners. Group “we don’t care anyway” parties that everyone secretly cares about just a little.

Deep down, many single people are not sad; they are observant. Watching couples argue over where to eat. Watching lengthy relationship tributes that may be deleted by March. Watching flower prices triple overnight.

So this Valentine’s, whether you are drinking until Sunday, waiting for gifted snacks, staring at unbloomed flowers, or selling poems outside restaurants, remember this: being single is also a lifestyle. And at least your heart and your wallet are safe for now.