Wife wakes you up with a hot slap

Three weeks ago, you ran into Nina, a girl who would have been your girlfriend, or potentially a wife, had she not gone to study abroad.

You exchanged a few flirtatious messages, and by bad luck the missus, Carol, came across them. That earned you a cracked phone screen — replacing it is as good buying a new one. That is life.

You didn’t tell Nina what happened and the following week, she was all flirty. Since your wife was acting up, you mindlessly played along, just fuelling this girl’s fantasy. And can a girl fantasise! But you had no intention with her absolutely.

Unfortunately, it turns out that Carol’s disinterest was a trap to see how far things can go, and one night last week, she timed you and peeked at the messages you had been exchanging with Nina.

So, she woke you up with a slap, “What is wrong with you?” she screamed.

You knew immediately what that was all about. You forgot to delete! Having been ambushed from your sleep, you couldn’t even remember where the chat had stalled, but you remember telling her that you will be in Europe over winter and may make a stop in her country, to which she was more than inviting.

“See, you are even planning to go to Europe, and you have never told me!” your wife screamed.

 “Come on, it’s just flirting. Where will I get the money to go to Europe? Be reasonable!”

Then she hurled a second slap at you, which you stopped, mid-hair, as she crushed your phone against the wall. You never known Carol to be so temperamental.

“Don’t be ridiculous Carol!”

“But you’re married and you are flirting with a woman, and you want me to be reasonable!”

Her voice could be heard in Haiti. You couldn’t come up with a crisis management strategy fast enough. So, you just let her scream. It can be therapeutic.

“Does she know you are married?”

“Yeah. It is a small joke we are running, we both know our limits…,” you told her.

“That is what every man says. Are you tired of me? I can go…”

“Come on, be reasonable. This should be the least of your worries…I love you like never before, calm down, chill. I will tell her it’s over.”

“No, lemme call her.” She went for your phone, which she had crushed into smithereens. But she picked up the battery and phone, put them together and pressed the power button. It came on, at least half the screen. What a price to pay for senseless flirtation!

You wanted to snatch the phone from her, but, for some reason, you let her go through the motions. She actually dialed and put the dialing tone on loudspeaker.

“Hey Babe, haujalala?” Nina says from her end.

The lecture she received cannot be printed here, but let’s just say it will be a while before Nina talks to you. And her mood is ruined for the remainder of the year.

@nyanchwani

[email protected]