Revealed: Why men don't like church

It appears Kenyan men take ‘empowerment’ so seriously that they have abandoned the quest for heaven to women and refused to go to church! Blame it on too much testosterone (a rogue hormone responsible for men’s aggression, false courage, and inflated egos). This hormone makes men want to be great, heroes, winners, challenge authorities, leaders, conquer and dominate.

This thing can make a man boast, talk with machismo and bravado, especially when women are within earshot. Or, better still, it makes them throw their weight around and behave as though they has conquered the entire world, even when the closest they has ever come to being in a foreign country is when a car with a diplomatic plate almost hit them! Testosterone wreaks havoc and incites men into doing dangerous and stupid things to please women. For instance, back in the day, when bicycles were a status symbol in the village, a skinny young man chose to prove to his object of desire (woman built like a KDF battle tank) that he was a real man.

He borrowed the said means of transport with which he took her for a ‘road trip’. Whenever they got to hilly terrain, the girl would beg to alight but the eager-to-please man would object and insist on peddling uphill. Tongue out, sweating and breathing heavily, he would boast, “This is child’s play. I haven’t seen any hill yet.” It didn’t take long before he collapsed in a faint. You thought testosterone knows bounds? Think again. In Nigeria, not long ago, a self-proclaimed prophet wanted to make history. He boasted of how powerful he was — covered by the blood of Christ and all, and his ability to pull dare devil stunts like the one Biblical David did and, listen to this, walking into a den full of lions and getting out in one piece.

Zoo keepers sternly warned him against that kind of joke, but he would hear none of it, calling them enemies of progress. With a huge crowd of curious onlookers cheering him on, he, armed with nothing but testosterone, strolled into the den. Within seconds, the lions were licking his silly bones with relish. Still in Nigeria, yet another self-proclaimed prophet, courtesy of testosterone, chest-thumped that he could walk on water, just like Jesus, only to drown. Needless to mention the Kenyan pastor who late last year tried to fly like an angel to Jerusalem only to fall off a tree, breaking his limbs. Folks, at this rate, the bible ought to have come with a ‘don’t try this at home’ warning!

Look, testosterone has led men to form their own ‘religion’ called masculinity. Some men strictly adhere to the tenets of this ‘religion’ so much that they have no time to practice any other religion, especially Christianity. Anything that puts their fidelity to this ‘religion’ in question is frowned upon. They, for instance, say going to church is for sissies, and also a sign of weakness.

While preparing our main feature, one man told us that in church they preach humility and submission. Humility and submission, he argued, makes men automatically lose their masculinity — a very important component for survival in this tough, male world. He added that going to church regularly turns men into sissies and even their vocabulary tends to be very ‘soft’. That pose of closing eyes, putting open arms in the air as if expecting a tender embrace from someone while singing sentimental music such as ‘I love you Jesus..., he claimed, feels awkward to him. He, however, didn’t mention whether it feels awkward to be lying in state, nursing a killer hangover on a Sunday morning while the wife and kids are going to heaven.