Walk of shame starter pack: 5 things that will sell her out

A walk of shame, for the Hallelujah-demon-chasing ones, is the slow sinful walk mostly done by people’s daughters just after the sun comes out

No, it is not a walk from the church or a night of Bible Study. It is a walk from a study yes, a study of human parts. Walks of shame are characterised by:

1.Lipstick

Of course, a night spent in someone else’s bed involves a lot of mouth to mouth action, and not in the life-saving way. As such, a lady needs to be armed with a tube of lipstick, preferably red, or a screaming colour that will imply one has had a shower, at their place.

2. Care-free attitude

Campus is one place where it is easy to get labelled. Most labels are unkind and downright degrading. As you do your walk of shame, you’re very likely to bump into your preaching classmate who judges everything that breathes. Don’t hide your face when that happens. Greet them, ensuring to start with the title Brother or Sister. Make a tasteless joke about two being warmer than one before walking on without a care in the world. You only live once, yes?

3. Wet-wipes

Do not under any circumstances, walk around smelling like the sins of the previous night. Be a sport and care for the environment and your chaste roommate who has only slept with her pillow and phone the entire semester.

4. Something hooded

Walks of shame more often than not play bad jokes on people. While doing your walk of sin, you are more than likely to meet that ex-boyfriend who knows everything about you, from the gentle swell of your behind, to the smell of your fart. While you do your walk of shame, he will be escorting his new catch.

A hooded jacket provides the best way to avoid the awkward conversation with the couple and the urge to compare notes with his new girlfriend. Even worse, you are bound to meet your lecturer, yes, that lecturer that tirelessly taught you about contraception and the dangers of fornication.

5. Escort

This is only for the brave and good-looking. If you cannot take a selfie with him, don’t ask him to walk you. Save yourself from the head-shakes. However, if he looks like a snack, flaunt him. As a matter of fact, use the longest highway and ensure that everyone, especially that girl you dislike, sees you with him.