My Luo friend married to a Kikuyu lady told me last week that he has restrained himself several times from slapping his wife, almost every evening. They love each other, but she has nothing but contempt for Raila Odinga. She adores President Uhuru Kenyatta like a teenager fawning over her celebrity crush. And he hates her guts.
His household is inhabitable. Their two children seem to be taking after the mother and prefer her Central Kenya kinfolk. The political season has poisoned their relationship so much so that he has contemplated sending the wife back to Nyeri.
And he should. Because politics, whether at the national or family level can be noxious. It is worse if the man and the wife come from different ethnicities, worst if they belong to different political divides. It is an act of betrayal if a man and his wife cannot agree on who to vote for.
But really, it is men who should decide how their families vote. Whether you are a Luo and married to a Kikuyu, or a Kalenjin, your wife should vote for the person of your choice. Why we should even argue about this beats me. If she chooses to vote for someone else, that is enough ground for divorce. I know it is a secret ballot and there is no telling that she will betray you when voting, but you should persuade her until she sees sense.
As a traditional man, I think some of these decisions should rest on the shoulders of husbands. And I have my reasons.
In my household, I am the only one who religiously follows news and likely to know which candidate the country deserves. The female folk in my house watch and care about only Hollywood series, or listen to Capital FM. Very few women I know are interested in politics. Save for the busybodies, political aspirants, and those paid to participate in the campaigns, most women are apathetic.
What is more vexing is that educated women are the worst. They are so self-centred and always consider politics to be beneath them, a stupid inconvenience that they wish was never part of life. It just helps in Kenya, depending on your ethnicity, how you vote is pretty much predetermined. But when it comes to interrogating issues, it is mostly men who care, and all that women want is affirmative action. But even when you give them free rides in the name of the Women Representative Seat, their performance is underwhelming despite controlling some of the most enviable kitties.
Little wonder that our politics is littered with stupid men, parading their insecurities, insanities and shallowness. But at the very least, men care. Nowadays, I patronise restaurants that are likely to switch to the 7 o'clock and primetime news, and not clubs that are patronised by younglings who will not care even if Ochuka was staging a coup.
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Anytime, I am with female company and the DJ turns down the volume to switch to the news channel, most women yawn and wish they were somewhere having their cuticles removed than watching the latest from the campaign trail.
It is for this reason that I think men are justified to determine who should be voted for. Because we care about the fate of this country. We should be advisors of women on who to vote for. Already, it is a role we play, but there are women, like my friend's wife who feel that they can betray their husband's wishes.
I ask men to be firm this electioneering period on who should be voted in. Any wife who goes against the will and wishes of the husband should be divorced, or at the very least sent back to her parents to come back with a white cock and a black goat for sacrifice.
Any woman who will go against the wishes of the husband, boyfriend or any man in her life is a terrorist. We should not negotiate with them. For those who happily support us, may they be blessed.