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Your lover declaring before God and in public that he will love you alone, is perhaps the best thing that has ever happened to you. But according to marriage and relationship experts, the first few months in marriage are the most frustrating because that is when the two spouses start discovering the real person in each other.
Dr Catherine Syengo Mutisya an relationship expert from the Nairobi Parenting Clinic says that most women go in to a marriage with the proverbial "happily ever after" impression. Sadly, that doesn't always happen. Below are a few tips to survive your first year in marriage.
• Communicate clearly, candidly and concisely with your spouse. If there is something embarrassing you'd like them to work on, express it in a way that they won't feel like you're demeaning them but as counsel to make your marriage better. Get excited if you may but note your excitement can easily be misunderstood for insecurity. So stay calm especially in public.
• Understand that the first year is a transition period. Accept to learn, to change and where necessary adjust and compromise. Always remember your life involves other people now and the care-free girl/guy has been replaced by a lifetime partner. Make yourself busy to build your family so you don't be a nuisance when you miss your spouse.
• Be prepared for conflicts! Don't try to change him -- you will be frustrated. Your patience may win him over but forcing new habits down his throat will cause more friction.
• Ensure your spouse feels loved and appreciated. Don't ever treat him like he's a kid lest he feels demeaned and mostly in cases of women, she may turn out to be a baby! Concentrate more on the appreciation which should be 90 percent against the criticism which should be only 10 per cent.
• Learn to deal with external pressure especially from relatives and the children when they finally come.
• Sexual intimacy is key in every marriage so you should have time for each other.
• Finally, though very difficult, learn to forgive. Always be the first to say: "I forgive you, and if you make the same mistake again, my love for you commands me to still forgive you!"
This makes your spouse know you appreciate him /her as a human being who is weak and can fall into temptations.
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