Coping with a child's chronic illness

It’s human nature to believe that chronic illness or mental or physical handicap is something that only afflicts other people’s children. That is, until it happens to your own child. Many pregnant women worry about whether their unborn baby will be born normal and healthy; some even dream about giving birth to a handicapped or deformed child. This fear is almost universal, though it’s understandably worse for mothers who have had problems in a previous pregnancy or pregnancies, or who have a chronically sick or handicapped child already.

If a newborn baby is obviously handicapped or becomes ill very early in life, parents may react with shock, followed by numbness and denial, sadness and depression later, there’s a period of re-awakening of their energy, which is often combined with much anger. These stages are well recognised parts of the normal process of grieving. They are mourning for the normal, healthy baby that might have been.

Talking about your feelings Whenever an illness or handicap begins, it helps to be aware of your feelings about the situation and the inevitable changes in your family life that will follow. Mental difficulties can be a problem right from the beginning. One major factor behind this is a lack of open and honest communication of feelings between the parents which leads, in turn, to insufficient and inappropriate support and care for each other. If you are to give the best to your child, it’s essential to look after your relationship with your partner.

If you have other children, you must be sensitive to their need for a fair share of your time, interest and energy. Feelings of jealousy and even hatred are natural as their lives are inevitably changed. Older children may well worry about what will happen to their sibling once you’re no longer there. Don’t forget that not only do the well brothers and sisters have ambivalent feelings, but the affected child does too. These all need to be talked over to make them easier to cope with whatever the problems the physical exhaustion and the emotional strain-there are positive sides to caring for a chronically sick or handicapped child. Many parents say that for the first time they understand what life is all about and that the child’s presence has enriched them in a way that they could never have foreseen.

Living with chronic illness With long-term conditions, such as diabetes or epilepsy, both you and your child will need to become used to the medicines or treatments that have to be given day in and day out. And with certain conditions, such as food intolerance and diabetes, there is the additional burden of always having to remember to be scrupulously careful about what the child eats.

Over protection It’s quite easy while caring for a chronically ill or handicapped child to be overprotective, smothering or over-concerned about the condition in front of the child. Children, quite naturally, lap up fuss and attention and can become unreasonably demanding. Your protectiveness may be caused by your inability to accept that it is normal to feel angry and resentful at times towards your child while still loving and caring for her. Give her your love and time, and try not to feel guilty, and so over-compensate for any angry feelings you may have.