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I slept with a married man, now I can't move on

Between The Sheets By Taurus
Photo: Courtesy

This week’s topic:

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I am a Christian and I happen to be in love with a married man and a father of two. He has always insisted he is deeply in love with me as he also broke my virginity. We have had this relationship for three years and now we have a 9-month-old baby. Despite numerous inquiries from my family, I have kept details about him secret because I don’t want the embarrassment of having a child with a married man. I want to walk out of this relationship but he will not let me. He always says how much he loves me and that I satisfy his desires. I don’t know what to do, as I have also never been with another man. Please advise me.

Your take:


Jackie, you should try and avoid having unprotected sex with him again otherwise he will impregnate you and then you will have two children from a married man to deal with. Address this problem early otherwise you will get into a very bad situation. Has he ever made any promises to you? It is time you made a decision and moved on with your life.

{Grace Mundia}

You will not be the first woman to have a child with a married man. There is no problem also if you were to get married to him as a second wife. Polygamy has its challenges just like monogamy but both of you have to be willing to do this.

{Tasma Saka}

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You are living in denial and you ought to accept things as they are and be at peace with yourself. You knew right from the first time that he was married. Whichever decision you make, remember he’ll forever be your child’s father.

{Ouma Ragumo}

Affairs are complicated and messy by themselves but when innocent kids are involved it gets trickier. Only 1 out of 20 married men will ever leave their wives if their mistresses get pregnant. Instead they choose to run. Try and make a firm decision about this relationship by getting his word on the role he wants to play in your lives. I hope he is supporting you financially.

{Emma Mutoko}

I will not be judgemental but if at some point he does not want to be involved with you and the child, then it will be his loss. Be the best mother to your baby and focus on the positive side of things.

{Terry Mwenda}

Counsellor’s take:

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What happened has happened and unfortunately, that is the reality, you are going to have to deal with it for the rest of your life. You fell in love with a married man and went ahead and had a child with him. While there is quite a lot of stigma surrounding that in our society, we cannot run away from the fact that it is happening. Accept what you cannot change and get a way of dealing with it.

About your family members, this is fairly easy. They will always keep asking about it until the day you tell them what is really going on here. I don’t know his stand on this matter but from your description, he seems not to have a problem with you and the baby. It is about time you came clean and told the story. You don’t have to tell everyone everything, but present him to your family members, make it clear he is the father of your child and leave it at that. Once you get this done, you will put this whole matter to rest.

However, it is also crucial for you to get his thoughts about any plans he may have for you and the baby. This is important because if he has any plans then he ought to make some commitments for you to make a more informed decision. I say this because he may be sticking around just because you may be too convenient for him. You have his child and will not go public about it; he is getting easy sex whenever he wants because well, “you satisfy his desires,” this is just too convenient and is any man’s dream. You should then make some solid decisions about your life based on the answers he gives you, if any.

This is a sensitive moment in your life as things can go either way. They may work out for you or go sour. Either way, it will be an advantage to you as you will have a solid platform on which to base your life. Otherwise this will go on and another baby will come and you will have dug yourself deeper in the dark hole. It is better to move forward knowing what you have or don’t have than to live knowing nothing.


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