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She has had enough drama in her life

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A woman’s past is a matter of intrigue for every new boyfriend. The less the man knows, the better. Some details are potentially detrimental to the success of a relationship. Men secretly hanker after a woman who has slept with the fewest men possible. But there is no telling, so you have to make a rough estimate of her life from a number of facts, none of which she volunteers.

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Societal constraints ensure that women are economical with the truth about their past sexual lives. Yet, lately, more women have become open about their escapades and will pretty much describe the one moment it happened on top of a car in a drunken, wild night, complete with all the dramatic pauses for effect. As a man, the details will gnaw you but you have to take it on the chin. Yet, the sexual past is not the only concern you should have when you are about to commit.

Your new lady, Cindy, has a rare type of candor that you don’t see in people anymore. In her deep, coarse voice, she narrates to you about her boyfriend who is serving time. The tone tells you this was the only man she ever truly loved.

“Mike conspired with others and swindled his employer millions and he is in for 10 years,” she tells you. She confesses the four years they dated were her best. And you think that is it. Then she drops the real bombshell. Her next boyfriend died. They were from a party. He was drunk and driving. He drove the car into an electric pole, and was the only casualty in that accident.

You sit there wondering why you bothered to ask. In between she has lived with a man for a year, it never worked. Her baby stays with their mother in peri-urban Nairobi home. She is not in talking terms with the baby daddy, but he is fond of the son.

She tells you these things, not in any way begging for your sympathy or empathy. It is what her life story is. She has seen it all. Been there, done that and she has so many T-shirts to show for it. You lay there facing the ceiling, without knowing the comment to drop. You swig the dry whisky. Sorry is the most inappropriate word to say in this context, so you will let the silence suffice.

You wonder why some people have to undergo so much in life. I mean, the lady is just 30, or slightly older but has a boyfriend in jail, one dead out drunk driving and the baby daddy is out of the picture. She must be the unluckiest woman alive. What kind of demons does she face every day and night. What does she think of the boyfriend still in jail? Or the departed one.

But she is strong. Or at least she doesn’t show it. Or is it the reason she drinks and smokes like there is no tomorrow. Is her apparently strong personality a facade of a crumbling person within?

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You know that old Sicilian proverb: never date a mistress in distress. Avoid her. But how do you walk away after what you have just heard?

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