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Dear Coleen
My husband and I are having an awful time and he refuses to talk about it. I’m tired of just putting up with the situation. He craves female attention and chats on social media to many different women but he hides friends’ lists and keeps his phone on silent. If I question a message or phone call, he says “it’s work” or tells me to stop being nosey.
He doesn’t see what’s wrong with confiding in other women and flirting with them, but to me this is as bad as cheating.
We have children together, but I’m ready to leave him. I feel emotionally weak, though, which isn’t like me, and I don’t know if I can take the fallout from a break-up.
He has turned me into a wreck. He’s very good at manipulating situations and people and is always coming up with stuff to use against me and the kids. I’m desperate and just want this sadness to end.
Coleen says
I’m afraid the only way it ends is by taking control, facing up to your fears and powering through it.
Yes, starting again and being on your own is scary, but how can it be any more painful than it is now, facing the rest of your life being with someone who makes you so unhappy?
He might not see this as cheating, but it is. He’s cheating on you emotionally, even if not physically, and his behaviour has damaged your relationship and your trust in him.
You admit he’s changed you into someone you barely recognise, but the longer you stay with him, the more he’ll chip away at your self-esteem and the harder it’ll be to leave. I’ve been through a marriage break-up and I can promise you that when you do start taking control and making arrangements, you’ll start to feel better about it and stronger, too.
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