What to do when your child does something embarrassing

Sometimes a child is delighted by habits that adults regard as ‘rude’ such as nose-picking or staring hard at someone who looks remotely odd. For instance, if the man sitting opposite in the bus has a big nose and she keeps pointing at it and saying ‘Nose!’ then your only hope is to cause a diversion: pretend you’ve seen something interesting outside the window.

Oftentimes, children draw the stares to themselves, by delightfully unselfish-conscious physical habits such as scratching of the crotch. You have to urgently come up with a diversion because if you lose your temper and speak too harshly to the child, then you may not only draw attention to the disgusting habit, but precipitate a tantrum, which of course is even more embarrassing.

It can also be unsettling if she suddenly asked you, “Mummy, why has that lady got such a big body!” A quick witty intervention will save your face and that of the victim. You can quickly explain in a light-hearted way, that we are all different shapes and sizes.

Sometimes a child engages in the habit with complete indifference — her interest only develops later, once she realises adults disapprove. It’s only when she reaches her pre-school years that she begins to realise that what was acceptable when she was a baby will no longer be tolerated.

Suddenly she becomes aware that the rules of behaviour have changed, though she doesn’t understand precisely why.

She will later on discover that it’s simply a matter of social rules. At present however, all she knows is that grown-ups frown when she picks her nose. And that’s when she’s bound to become fascinated by the very entertaining subject of bodily functions, especially her own.

Tell a pre-school child not to do something - especially when she is not given a full reason for the veto - and you can be sure she’ll want to do it even more. And the more mum and dad giggle when their four-year-old farts, the more she will continue to do so. The more mum and dad over-react to nose-picking, then the more provocative the act of nose-picking becomes to the child.

Here are some tips to forestall these embarrassing tactics:

* Don’t engage in it yourself. Children imitate their parents, so think of the way you behave in her presence before you start criticising her behaviour. ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ philosophy doesn’t work.

* Don’t laugh at her behaviour. Parents often giggle when their child passes wind loudly, for instance. That only encourages her and she might repeat the action. Unfortunately, once she assumes you regard her behaviour as funny, you will have a difficult time convincing her otherwise.

* Don’t get too angry. However disgusted you’re by her behaviour, you can do this without getting overly agitated. Use a firm voice and a scowl to show your child that you don’t like what she has just done. But don’t scold her, as you would for a much more serious offence. A balanced reaction is much more appropriate.

* Explain why. Explain to her why you want her to stop these habits, in a way she can understand. A four-year-old will not make sense of a vague order such as, “It’s not nice to make rude noises.”

After all, she doesn’t just think it’s nice to make rude noises - she finds it positively hilarious! But she will understand if you tell her, “Other people won’t want to sit beside you if you make rude noises.”