My 4 year old child won't sleep in her own bed, what do I do?

When one mum opened up about the challenges she faced as a parent, it inspired others to do the same

There are many wonderful and rewarding parts to parenthood. But sometimes it can also be a rough ride. A recent open letter by one desperate mum on Reddit proved this.

Her letter sparked up a massive response from other mums, but rather than judging her, they showed their support and gave some wonderful advice.

The mum's honesty also inspired some of our readers to write in about aspects of parenthood they are struggling with. And who understands this struggle more than other mums?

With this in mind, we've featured what two of our mums suggested for tired mum Charlotte, whose daughter won't sleep in her own bed.

Dear Mums,

My daughter is almost 4 and won't sleep in her bed. I have tried EVERYTHING: night lights, leaving the door open, teddies, reading to her.

She has a lot of bad dreams, wakes up screaming.

She's meant to share a room with her younger sister but wakes her up when she kicks off.

We have a mattress in our bedroom as she often wants to get in bed with us.

We're moving soon and she'll have a room of her own hopefully. What should I do? It's difficult because she's very sensitive, but I also have her baby sister to think of.

Thank you,

Charlotte

1. Anya Harris, a mum of two boys and author of Older Single Mum knows a thing or two about dealing with stress. She suggests the following:

Dear Charlotte,

There are possibly a few things going on here and tackling only one of them isn't going to bring about a solution.

The first is the lead up to the bedtime - are screens involved? Even the TV can wire the brain differently and produce bad dreams, let alone any games consoles. Ban them for two hours prior to sleeping.

Any kind of adrenaline rush can last for two hours too and bring about a hormonal crash later on, Daddies coming home from work and livening up the kids can cause all sorts of havoc!

Secondly, has there been any kind of emotional disturbance which could affect her?

Lastly, a messy room and cluttered 'energy' can also create poor sleep patterns.

Lots of exercise during the day, a warm bath and lots of reading can all help her unwind.

Most crucially, she needs a reward in the morning if she stays in her own bed all night.

This can be stars on a chart, or chocolate buttons, or a tiny toy - whatever works for her. The bad dreams need tackling first though. I'm sorry you're suffering this stress and wish you well with your move.

Anya

2. Emily-Jane Clark is "the victim of two sleep-dodging babies". She also writes How to Survive a Sleep Thief – an alternate take on to baby sleep advice.

Dear Charlotte

Taking care of two little ones is exhausting – especially when you are not getting a lot of sleep.

So I would say at this stage, the only thing you should be doing is to be getting sleep by Whatever Means Necessary.

Ignore the people telling you that you are ‘making a rod for your own back’, throw out the expert advice books and do whatever it takes to get some rest.

I find the 'Sod it, Let Her Sleep In Our Bed' approach to be pretty successful.

They will learn to sleep alone eventually (although if my daughter is still sharing my bed at 18, then I will be taking that rod and whacking myself over the head with it). Other than that; coffee. Lots of coffee.

Good luck!

Emily-Jane

Mum Rachel wrote to us about her daughter's behaviour, which she is struggling with. What advice can you suggest for her?

Dear Mums,

My oldest daughters behaviour is a problem! She's the eldest of all three children and her behaviour is getting worse, and I am running out of options.

She kicks and screams when she doesn't get her own way.

She can be very rude and hurt her younger sister A LOT.

Its everyday we are dealing with her tantrums and bullying of her five year old sister.

She's a year older and she is a lovely little girl when she wants to be, but most of the time her behaviour spoils this.

I need help!

Rachel.