Overcome your partner’s porn addiction

Overcome your partner’s porn addiction

According to Covenant Eyes, an Internet Accountability and Filtering firm, an analysis of more than one million hits to Google’s mobile search sites, more than one in five searches are for pornography on mobile devices.

A pornography survey conducted by Queendom, gathering data from more than 10,000 respondents revealed that only one per cent of men and six per cent of women have never been exposed to porn. Queendom confirmed the greatest consumers of porn are men; 28 per cent of men claim to be exposed to porn almost every day.

Twenty seven percent engage several times a week and 24 per cent only indulge themselves several times a month. Only six per cent of women view porn daily.

Twenty three per cent are exposed several times a month and 33 per cent only take a peek several times a year. It seems evident that porn plays a significant role in sex, affecting relationships and victims suffer in silence. If you are one, it is time to address the issue before it robs you of your partner.

While it is your partner’s responsibility to work through their addiction, it involves both partners supporting one another to overcome the challenge. How can one stay sober in the midst of this trial?

1. Never blame yourself for it

It is not uncommon to take personal blame and responsibility when you discover your partner is active in porn. You begin to think you are not beautiful or sexy or that you do not satisfy them sexually. No matter what happens, always know that it is not about you. Pornography addiction is a process that mostly begins early in life and becomes a habit that is difficult to shake off in adulthood.

2. You are beautiful beyond description

Make no attempt to compare yourself with the virtual woman; she is not real, she is an expert in her field of trade. Look in the mirror and say, “I am beautiful, I am valuable, I am good, I am fearfully and wonderfully created in the image of God.” If your self-worth and self-esteem have ever had a bashing, it will be when you discover your partner is a porn addict. Whatever you do, you must affirm yourself. It is a good time to go for a beauty treatment; oh you will need some pampering just to make you feel good. Make this part of the routine; while you seek to support your partner overcome the addiction.

3. Understand pornography addiction

We are in the 21st Century, where information is available at the click of a button! Google and read all you can about Porn addiction. You will get to understand that the practice is indeed a psychological disorder. Often the addict is exposed to abuse, could probably have grown up in a dysfunctional family where love, affection and attachment was elusive. Many become addicts from abuse by their peers, caregivers and live in shame and guilt. Gain understanding, determine your options and pursue them.

4. Confront the act “porn addiction” not your partner

When confronted with a serious challenge, it is possible to become cynical and critical. While it is important to confront your partner’s addiction, how you do will determine how successful you become supporting him in the healing process. When all is said and done the relationship stands on the promise of “for better or for worse”, for sure this is a period of “worse”. A true test of your patience, endurance, long suffering and not holding on to a record of wrong will be tried beyond your wildest imagination. Stay calm, meditate, pray, seek help from a professional when necessary.

5. Ensure you both seek professional help

There are many treatment options available and what is important is the realization that “awareness is the heartbeat of therapy”.

6. Be true to yourself – grieve but move on

It is not unusual to go through the process of loss and grief; what is important is not to stay in denial mode. Face the reality of what confronts the relationship and be true to yourself. Has this behaviour taken away the most precious thing in your relationship intimacy? Does your partner show commitment, accountability and sincerity, to the healing process? Can you handle it without compromising your wellness; is the relationship worth fighting for? Fight for your relationship and seek help, live, love and thrive because you deserve it!

The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke