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Dear Coleen
I have two wonderful sons who are one and four.
I know I’m very lucky to have two healthy children when some people can’t have children at all. But I can’t help but want a daughter.
It has nothing to do with dressing her in girly clothes – I just want a daughter.
I’m very close to my own mum and I want that relationship in the future with my own daughter.
But my partner and I don’t have much money so we always knew that two children would be our limit.
And even if we did have another child it might be another boy. So, having another baby is out of the question.
Now I just feel this deep seated sadness that I’ll never have a daughter and it seems to be getting worse and not better.
When friends announce their pregnancies, I wait anxiously for their 20-week scans and feel a sense of relief if they find out they’re having a boy.
If they find out they’re having a girl, I feel depressed for days and begin to avoid them. I know this is ridiculous but I just can’t help it.
When I try to talk to my partner or family about it, they tell me I should count my blessings because I have two lovely boys. I wish I didn’t feel this way but I do.
Please help.
Coleen says
Like you say, you have two beautiful sons and some people can’t have children at all. Many people probably look at you and envy you so much.
And just because you have a close relationship with your own mum doesn’t mean you would get that with a girl.
Before my first marriage to Shane fell apart, we had our two boys and I didn’t even think about having another.
It wasn’t an issue. When I met my second husband and I fell pregnant, everybody said to me, ‘I bet you want a girl?’ but I just wanted it to be healthy.
Children are so much more than a gender.
My boys are now in their twenties and we’re so close. They’re loving and confide in me and I’m just as close to my daughter.
I don’t want to make you feel worse, but I think you’re wasting their childhood wishing for something you already know isn’t going to happen.
So, start living in the moment.
Enjoy them and cherish them because children grow up fast and before you know it, they’ll be grown up and you’ll regret spending all of their childhood wishing for a girl.
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