How can I trust him when he cheated on me with his ex?

A year ago I was told my partner cheated on me with his ex-wife. He denied he had and lied about it to my face

Dear Coleen

A year ago I was told my partner cheated on me with his ex-wife.

He denied he had and lied about it to my face.

Now he admits to sleeping with her, but says that he did not want her back, when I know he tried to repair their relationship, but she wasn’t interested.

He says he loves me and he’s over her. But they have kids so he has to see her.

I love him but I just can’t stop feeling like I’m waiting for him to start telling me more lies. How can I get over this?

Coleen says

First of all, when it comes to child care arrangements, he only has to see her for five minutes when he’s going to her place to pick up the kids.

He doesn’t need to spend any more time with her than that or be any more involved with her.

He thought he wanted her back a year ago; that doesn’t mean he still does.

Personally, I think it’s tough knowing that he has slept with his ex and that he’s still in her life if only in a small way.

It’s something which could eat away at your self-esteem so if you’ve decided to give him another chance and he wants your relationship to work, then he has to pull out all the stops to rebuild your trust.

And when it comes to his children, why not get more involved and go along with him when he picks them up?

It’s one way of being more in control of the situation and part of it instead of feeling like you’re always left standing on the sidelines.

At least he’s trying to be a good dad and wants to be part of his kids’ lives.

But a word of warning – don’t even think about getting married until you’ve resolved these issues and feel confident of his commitment to you.