I've been lying for so long I don't know how to stop

I've been lying for so long I don't know how to stop

Dear Coleen

I’m 21 and I can’t stop lying. My mum was an alcoholic so I spent a lot of my childhood living with my auntie and uncle. Everybody else seemed to have such a normal life, so I would lie to my friends and make out that my life was better than it was.

For the last few years I’ve told people that my dad is a pilot, but the trouble with lying is, you then have to keep it up.

Last year I met a lovely man and we get on really well. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months but I’m keeping him at arm’s length because he thinks my dad is a pilot and obviously he’s not. I’d already told a few of our mutual friends the same lie.

Now I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend the truth without looking weird.

And in the meantime, I can’t even think about introducing him to my family because then he’ll find out I’ve lied to him and all our friends.

I don’t know how to break this cycle. Can you please help me?

Coleen says

The only possible solution is to own up to your boyfriend. I completely understand why you’ve been lying – and I think your boyfriend will too.

You had a hard time growing up, with an alcoholic mum and having to live with your aunt and uncle. So of course you wanted to create this fantasy world where things were better than your reality.

But as you’ve discovered, lying catches up with you and it must be exhausting to always have to check yourself and worry about which lies you’ve told to which person.

So just come clean. Tell your boyfriend you made up a lot of stuff when you were younger and you had to keep lying to cover your tracks.

Tell him you like him and that’s why you’re telling him the truth, so you can have a fresh start together and he can meet your family.

If he’s a decent guy and he really likes you he’ll be OK about it. And tell your friends the truth too. They may be shocked and you may even lose some of them, but most will understand.