The famous men I will never marry

Last week, I had one of those days people dread, Friday the 13th! I really had nothing to worry about that day, which is associated with bad luck, not when Tony Mochama was miles away from me. He is the last person I would want to meet on such a day. Misfortunes come in threes; Friday the 13th, Tony Mochama and a wedding ring!

Someone told me  I was in Tony’s list of the famous women he would never marry and was advising men to avoid as well. I laughed so hard you would think I had inhaled some laughing gas. God forbid, but if we were to remain just the two of us in this world, Tony and I, then that would be the beginning of the end of mankind because I would officially change my role model to mother Teresa! Who wants to be trapped in an exam room with a guy who sets his own exam, marks it and emerges number one, then demands an award? Asiiiiiiii, not moi! I really want to talk about Tony and his species that I cannot get married to.

Something else also caught my eyes a day after Friday the 13th. Let me pause Tony’s CD and play the one for fathers. Fathers’ Day came rolling and it came with all the sarcasm from some women. As some of us waited patiently for the day to wish our fathers and husbands a happy one, some women were sitting down scribbling a Fathers’ Day note to themselves! This is because some sperm donors decided that they were never going to follow up on their ‘donor funds’ and see how well the funds were being used.You see, this group of Tonnies….sorry, this group of men who go about planting trees then walking away as if nothing happened, is not funny! To make it worse, some of them plant the trees in deserts as dry as Kalahari! If you plant a tree, it is only noble that you stay there, water it and watch it grow! If you must leave for reasons best known to you, then keep sending trucks of water as often as possible and once in a while, come and check on it! Be proud of your tree whether mugumo or cypress. You have the habit of abandoning trees when they are sprouting and need the greatest care, then come running for shade later in life when the trees have grown and it’s too sunny out there you cannot stand the heat! You are the reason a good number of women are celebrating Fathers’ Day - they play your role in your children’s lives.

Now let us flip the coin so that Tony does not flip it for us next week. He can be mean if he flips it for us. Women, you cannot force a man to live with you if he does not love you just for the sake of your children. Sometimes we stick to marriages so that our children remain happy, but in real sense, we are making it worse. Who said the children will be happy if their parents are not happy? We women are known to cling onto men when we love them regardless of whether they love us back. We are gifted in some of the things men hate and, at times, drive them away from our lives. We are, sometimes, the reason we end up bringing up our children on our own. We then carry the bitterness with us and vent it out on Fathers’ Day, portraying our men as irresponsible and the worst fathers yet in real sense, they would love to be part of the little angels’ lives. We forget that we willingly swum in river Nyando naked! I know women are not allowed anywhere near the remote during this World Cup season, but please pass it on. I need to continue playing Tony’s CD from where I had paused it. Tony, did you receive your Fathers’ Day wishes in person or are you among the sperm donors? Alar! Don’t give me that look! What else did you expect me to think when every evening I pass by your door as I go to my house an….an…….and…..al…aaaaa…….al………l ! Ooops! His CD has scratches. We live to play it another day!

Photo:  aweddingclub.blogspot.com