Affairs usually don’t happen out of the blue. They are gradual and begin with an attraction to someone you know fairly well and spend time with, such as a colleague or a friend.
The source of Margaret’s greatest pain is that her husband entangled himself with an affair with her girlfriend. Whenever she confronted him, he denied and assured her of his love and faithfulness. While he continued to affirm her, she was certain that something was not adding up. She hired a private investigator and confirmed her greatest fears.
She was right all along. The love of her life, her best friend and father to her children, the man she dreamed of growing old with was not faithful. He had lied to her. How can I ever heal from this scenario? She asked in desperation.
Infidelity is, indeed, one of the worst things anyone in a relationship can experience. It does not necessarily have to be sexual. It can be emotional, financial and recreational infidelity. Much energy, time and money can be spent with someone else. Such relationships are often justified by the fact that a sexual relationship does not exist.
Marriage has its challenges, but few compare to the monumental task of healing from infidelity. I’ve interacted with many people hurting and depressed after the knowledge that their partner had actually cheated on them. This is devastating and most people hit rock bottom before finding total healing.
Years of experience has taught me that you cannot resolve infidelity issues by engaging investigators to bust your partner. This is a recipe for disaster.
Before you go that way, consider a few facts.
FIND THE FACTS
Before you engage on investigation, discuss the matter with a mentor, pastor and your lawyer. There is a likelihood that you will find out that your partner is actually cheating. The investigations will lead to potential legal issues and that’s why you need counsel.
Your lawyer will also help you give the matter serious consideration, and make some assumptions on what action you will take when you finally confront the truth. Handling facts other than feelings with your lawyer will help you understand the seriousness of busting your spouse.
Most importantly, remember curiosity killed a cat. When you confirm the philandering ways of your partner, what you do with the information will make or break the relationship. What is your motive even as you take the first step?
Be certain that you have a good plan. If you are not prepared to handle the truth, do not hire a private investigator.
As a general rule, it is wise to communicate with your partner about how you feel and issues that you are genuinely concerned about.
Talking is the most effective way of resolving issues. It helps to hold one another accountable. No matter how bad things may look, keep the communication channels open at all times and discuss your fears and expectations. Set new boundaries and review them weekly where necessary.
If a partner is indifferent and chooses not to engage, take time out and address these issues at a later date.
The writer is a relationship coach and author, Marriage Built to Last
You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke
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