'I've been seeing a great man for a while so why won't he tell his children?'

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my late 50s and I’ve been seeing a great man for about 18 months. I’m divorced and he’s widowed, and we met by chance at a local cafe and started meeting up for walks and meals. Things progressed and we’re now a couple.

We get on so well – it’s very easy between us and we laugh a lot, and I’m keen to move things along. However, he still hasn’t told his grown-up ­children about our relationship.

His two daughters know we’re friends and I have met both of them briefly on a couple of occasions.

But they don’t know we’re in a romantic relationship.

I understand it’s a sensitive area, as their mother died five years ago, but I do feel we’ve been together long enough now for him to say something.

I don’t want to pressure him and ruin everything, but at the same time I hate us being a secret and want to live my life openly.

I have one grown-up son, who I have told, and he’s very happy for me.

I’ve also told my ex-husband and a few of my close friends, who all think it’s great.

What do you think I should do?

Coleen says:

He’s clearly worried about upsetting his daughters, but they might have already guessed something more is going on between you and feel it’s up to him to bring it up.

So he could just be overthinking it and stressing unnecessarily. He’s assuming they’ll react badly and be upset there’s a new woman in his life – but they might actually be pleased he has a partner and a companion, especially in these times.

I imagine they must worry about him being on his own.

I don’t think you have to pressure him, but you could say you’re so happy and would like to move things on, and suggest discussing the best way to tell his daughters – if that’s what’s really stopping him from being open about your relationship.

If he keeps stalling, then I guess you have to ask him how committed he is. At the moment, when we can’t meet up socially, it’s probably not too much of an issue . But when things do get back to normal, presumably you’ll want to be part of each other’s lives socially and attend family gatherings.

But you shouldn’t be worried about bringing this up – you’re in a relationship and your thoughts and feelings are as important as his.

It’s not nice being someone’s secret and it might help to explain to him how that makes you feel.