My word: A jerk in love
By JUDITH MWOBOBIA | 3 months ago
Love, I have learnt, isn’t about grand gestures. It is in the little everyday thoughtful acts that really cost nothing.
My mum once told me about one of her aunts who left her husband because he left her cold every morning. He was an early riser. She wasn’t.
And everytime he woke up, he would throw away the bedding exposing her to the biting cold. She had endlessly asked him not to do it, but every morning, the situation would be the same.
This seemingly small deed led her to believe that he really didn’t care for her needs and that if he cared even just a little bit, he would put it to mind that she hated the cold and would leave her in bed warm and cosy.
This mindset led her to amplify any bad deed he did. Fortunately, they reunited after the elders intervened and a small fine was paid to her people.
That is how seemingly small but thoughtless actions repeated everyday lead to resentment. This is especially true for relationships.
You may do some things unconsciously, like the repeated snarky comments on how fat your spouse looks, paying attention to your phone when your loved one wants your attention and sometimes forgetting to appreciate how hard your partner works for the family.
The pent-up resentment eventually blows up and a bewildered spouse is left wondering what they did wrong. Well, you were a jerk albeit unwittingly.
Fortunately, in much the same way, positive emotions are evoked by a repetition of thoughtful little actions. Say thank you a lot more. Pay him a genuine compliment often.
A bonus reward is that people often respond to the energy you project.
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