• No man wants to be peeling off a woman’s inners only to be met with a hairy jungle
  • It is a strong but subtle message that spoils the party

My girlfriends are helping me get ready for a first date with a new catch, only to realise that the little black number I had set aside for the evening will force me to go commando because visible panty lines are the worst fashion faux pas.

One of my friends gasps in horror at the thought of me going on a first date with nothing underneath. She goes on to explain that I might fall into temptation and sleep with the guy on our first date.

The logic completely eludes me. I am racking my brain trying to find the correlation between wearing underwear and hitting the sack on the first date. There’s none whatsoever!

We proceeded to have a very interesting conversation about the different excuses ladies have used to get out of sex on the first date.

The lengths these ladies have gone to will leave you shocked. Ideally, it’s not advisable to sleep with a guy on the first date, unless of course he is Adam Levine, then he can get it, anywhere, anytime! But I digress.

Emphasis on ‘ideally,’ because I hold a somewhat controversial stance, but we will dwell on that subject later. Back to the matter at hand.

Apparently, an ugly pair of granny panties might be all the armour you need lest you fall for his perverted come-ons.

Ladies, remember that over-sized panty you had on when ‘Aunt Flow’ came unexpectedly and you couldn’t quite get the stain out? According to my friends, there is no need to throw it out. It is a certified charm repellent! It doesn’t matter if your date is an Adam Levine or Steve Buscemi look-alike!

If you happened to have thrown out your stained granny panty, all hope is not lost. Leave your fanny unshaven! This is 100 per cent proven to prevent you slinking away to the nearest bed, corner or washroom for a quickie.

Even when you drink yourself to oblivion and your pudgy date Njoroge starts to look like Adam Levine, the Karura Forest down there is a fool proof deterrent.

If your date was a bit on short notice and you couldn’t get any of the aforementioned ready, there is hope for you too. Just before the date ends, have a friend call you and pretend you have to rush off due to an emergency.

It has to be something serious, try to be as credible as possible.

So, I sat there thinking, “This is wrong on so many levels,” not to mention gross! Ladies, I don’t know you!

How about a simple “no”. Unless you are dating some psychotic douche you met on Tinder, that would be sufficient, don’t think?

Feel free to even justify it with a prudish Christian upbringing.

Why would you have to put yourself through all that?