Happy Wife, Happy Life

By Silvia Pencak (www.SilviaPencak.com)

My husband and I celebrated 13 years together yesterday and looking back at our life together I decided to write some words of wisdom for you. Being a happy wife and my hubby claiming to have a happy life with me should give me some credentials to do so, right?

Our marriage wasn’t easy. We went through lots of challenges, obstacles and learning curves. More times than I can remember we had to hold on to our commitment more than feelings we had for each other.

But even through those tough times I kept in mind words of a dear friend who said to us shortly before our wedding day that ‘Marriage is hard work.’ If you put in the work necessary, you will reap the benefits. If you don’t, there will be nothing left to enjoy.

Here are some of the many lessons I’ve learned thanks to marriage.

1. Nobody is perfect

Your partner will never be perfect. She or he has bad habits and makes mistakes. And the longer you live together, the more you will notice them. And maybe even despise them. Yet, no matter how hard you try to change your partner, it’s important to remember that once the big rock is out of the way, you’ll find another one. If you’re hoping for an ideal partner, please come back to earth where imperfect people choose to spend their lives together and support each other in spite of their imperfections.

Please, keep in mind that this is true about you too. You aren’t perfect as well. So before you say another word or throw another fit, remember to have a closer look in the mirror and choose to focus on your own improvement.

2. Golden rule works… even in marriage!

Definition of Golden Rule is to ‘Do to others as you want them do to you.’ This works in any relationship, even in marriage. If you want respect, give respect. If you want forgiveness, forgive.

I’ve learned this at one of the lowest points of our married life together. Neither of us was happy in our relationship and no matter how hard we were trying to make it work, it just wasn’t working. We came to the point where we thought that separation would be a great option for us.

This was the moment when we sat down and started to talk openly about what each of us is missing in our relationship. I complained about lack of time my husband spends with me. He complained about my lack of support. I vividly remember how surprised I was as I thought about his words. I myself wasn’t feeling supported. And he admitted that I don’t seek time with him. We both were reaping what we were sowing, complaining about the other, while overlooking our own failures.

That day couple years ago we decided to give to another what we’re looking for. It wasn’t easy and we failed many times trying to do so, but it always worked!

3. Embrace the differences

When my husband and I compared our Kolbe A results for the first time, it was a very liberating (and hilarious) experience. We immediately knew why we struggled to get along in so many situations. Understanding each other’s strengths and how they play a role in our relationship enabled us to improve our communication, lower tension between us and appreciate each other in a new way.

We stopped trying to shape each other into our own image and freed each other to be ourselves. We haven’t arrived yet, but we stepped in the right direction.

4. Love is a commitment

I met enough people in my life to know that love is a misconception. Everybody talks about it, some experience it, nobody understands it. Here’s what 13 years of marriage taught me about love… Love is NOT a feeling! It can’t just go away, like one morning you wake up and it’s gone. And another morning you wake up and you love someone else. Far from this!

Love is a decision. You choose to love, be there and go extra mile for someone else. Love is also a commitment. You choose to do it day in and day out. Whether you feel like it or not. We can’t understand love. Love doesn’t take offense, it’s not boastful, it doesn’t count mistakes or remind of past failures. Such love overcomes everything.

This post isn’t over until I mention one more thing. The reason I chose the title ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life’ is that many mistakenly believe that their happiness actually depends on what their partner does or doesn’t do for them. This is a big myth! Here’s my last tip for today…

5. Be happy!

True happiness comes from within. If your joy depends on outside circumstances, you might never be truly happy. Because life is not easy. There will be problems, struggles and misunderstandings. Before I got married, I was happy to be single. Then I enjoyed dating my husband. After we got married, I loved being married. Later, I was super glad to have opportunity to be called ‘mom’. Don’t overlook blessings that are in your life NOW. Be content with what is. Don’t wait until you lose it.

No matter what is your situation, I challenge you to find something you can appreciate. In your life, in your marriage, in your partner, in other people around you. Don’t wait for other people to make you happy. Wake up happy and go to bed appreciating amazing people and wonderful things you were given. Live your life like every day is your last. Give it your best, make a difference and your life will never be wasted.

Are you married? If yes, what lessons have you learned in your marriage? Let me know in the comments below.