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Hakimi's children will give his wife what he denied her


There is a new name in town. Men welcoming new sons have probably considered naming them Hakimi, to the dismay of their wives. While most of us have not quite figured out the correct spelling of the name, we all agree that the name derives from the Swahili word Hekima which loosely translates to wisdom. The contemporary man is doing everything to protect their wealth in the eventuality of a divorce and they all agree with Hakimi's Hekima in bestowing all his wealth on his mother.

I however do not think this should surprise the African woman, our husbands do this every day. While they may not own much, the little wealth they have back in the village is usually entrusted to their mothers. She is in charge of the few sheep and goats our husbands keep in the village and may sell them at will without our knowledge.

At other times, we are not even aware of what he owns apart from the family car. There is, therefore, no heroism in what Hakimi did, he has simply replicated what most men do albeit on a smaller scale. The person worth recognition in this scenario is Hakimi's mother. You see most of our mothers, when entrusted with such resources, may use them to build the village church and lend a good chunk of it to their less fortunate children to solve one emergency after another.

We wonder though, why men do not choose their fathers as keepers of their wealth. They refer to us as daughters of Eve and prefer not to entrust us with anything they consider valuable. It may however appear that the balance of patriarchy tilts to favour us women as old age sets in.

Our mothers become more powerful and their voices swallow that of our fathers who live the rest of their lives in the shadows of their wives. We dominate the home when the source of finance shifts from our husbands to our children. We do not have to pour pestilence in the ears of our children to turn them against their fathers, they probably saw the maltreatment we suffered in their father's hands.

Latter rewards

What Hakimi's wife has been denied today she will receive from her children.

She only needs to nurture them to be the best versions of themselves. Rather than complain bitterly that she was sidelined, we should be happy that either way a woman won. If our husbands cannot trust us with their wealth then our sons will. All we need to do is give it time.

Meanwhile, our lawmakers should go back to the drawing board and decide how the distribution of wealth should happen in cases of divorce. There is always a party walking away with more than their fair share while the other is left licking their wounds. With the knowledge that love ends, we should mark what belongs to us in marriage so that when the union fails we simply pick up our belongings and move on. Perhaps there should also be special compensation for the woman who carries the child in her womb for nine months.

For each gestation period that lasts nine months, we will not function at our full capacity, and we will miss job offers because no new employer wants to bring on board a woman who will be departing for maternity soon. For two or so years after the birth of our children, we will be tethered to the house with limited movement to work or the supermarket.

We will miss out on overseas work trips and other job opportunities because we are always thinking about the future of our children. We may be overlooked for promotion because we are always missing work to take Kababa to the doctor. While we are doing all these, the man will be soaring high because the home is stable - thanks to us.

After doing all these, we realize with great disappointment that these sons of Adam can still not trust us with their wealth. We grow their seeds to give them children but they choose their mothers as custodians of their wealth.

Perhaps the role of a stay-at-home wife should be quantified and their salaries should be paid to them to avoid unnecessary squabbles post-divorce. Judges must work out the opportunity cost of staying home when we could have been cruising the world as career women.

Maybe a 'divorced partner' support should be introduced to compensate us for the years that marriage and children shackled us from pursuing lucrative careers.

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