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How to deal with relationship anxiety

 Your anxiety may be anchored in your own insecurities (Photo: iStock)

Mental health issues can spring from the most innocent intentions. The excitement of a new relationship often carries along worries and concerns.

Many young women may find themselves constantly unsettled even after reassurance of some substantial commitment from their partners. Is he still talking with his ex? Is he really committed to me or is he just waiting for the next best thing?

In a world where “character development” has a whole new meaning, it is inevitable to entertain the feeling that your relationship may actually end in tears.

Sometimes, your partner may give you legit reasons to doubt the longevity of your relationship. Things like disappearing for days with no communication and unfaithfulness should have you figuring out if your relationship is worth saving.

On the other hand, your anxiety may be anchored in your own insecurities, giving you sleepless nights in an otherwise healthy and positive relationship. You keep asking yourself how long until the relationship falls apart.


Seeking constant reassurance from a partner who seems well committed already.

Pleasing your partner to the detriment of self.

The insatiable need for reassurance.

Worrying about the relationship is more than enjoying the good times.

Monitoring and controlling your partner’s interactions and movements.

Constantly checking for signs of trouble.

Being on edge that your partner is about to end the relationship.

Self-sabotaging behaviours tend to cut off people before the relationship becomes serious.

Spending too much time reading your partner’s words and actions for hidden meanings.


It is fairly normal to question non-reciprocated feelings or feel uneasy concerning the future of your relationship. It should concern you when constant worrying starts to interfere with your relationship, impacting your emotional health and causing you and your partner substantial stress.

Such situations are likely to pop up out of previous personal experiences. A childhood that was surrounded by parental absenteeism may manifest into a fear of being abandoned. Your ex may also be to blame.

Previous experiences may shape how you associate feelings with negative outcomes. A constant pressure to validate your love and commitment to someone is quite a heavy burden

Your partner is most likely to develop frustration and resentment should they catch up on your doubts and suspicions. On your part, you may get too expressive to scare your partner away through the constant distrust or shut down due to the fear of killing the relationship.

Most people who withdraw from expressing their emotions end up losing their identity in the relationship. You end up becoming dependent on your partners, mirroring their behaviour and losing your own self-worth or self-silencing to make uncomfortable sacrifices to keep the relationship.


Even though you may have valid concerns, what you feel may not always be right. Having worries about your new or old relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that you are in a bad one.

Work on building your trust with your partner should they show considerable commitment. Learn to deal with conflict in a healthy manner because conflict is unavoidable anyway.

You will miss out on good times if all you do is wonder if you really matter to your partner.

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