Her breakup note: Feelings I had for you now causing global warning

Is that a bird, a plane, superman? No, it’s my feelings for you exiting my body, evaporating into the atmosphere where they will be converted into carbon dioxide, ultimately increasing the level of carbon, further fuelling global warming.

Mr Sir you owe the UN an apology, you are too toxic for this world. So you chose a text message? Funny! When you were busy pursuing me, everything was face to face as you claimed you had nothing but good intentions.

But you didn’t have the balls to face me this time, huh? Now that you've had your fill, you've gotten me into your bed several times and used my body as you wished, there's no need for me. I am a used rug.

I clearly remember asking if you only wanted to keep it casual or you want the whole shebang; feelings and love. You stood up straight in the restaurant and declared that you want it all. All the love, all the fights and all the memories.

I should have known then what I know now. Come to think of it, I’m actually not sad about it. You were a coward, always were and always will be.

I’m glad I never gave you my whole heart. Something at the back of my mind always knew you weren't IT.

So, gang ho, Mr Sir. At the rate you are going, you'll be the CEO of senior bachelors. But take this as a parting gift. I was never yours. I may have been in your bed but my body belonged to another. Tell your best friend I said hi. His ceiling is a pretty shade of red.

Shocked are we now? What you did...I did better. Viva!