Bad boy: Matiang’i nearly ruined all marriages

Of all the reckless stunts Dr Fred Matiang’i has ever pulled, forcing men to spend two weekend days at home to be counted ranks is the least funny. He even joked that families will bond better if fathers spent an evening at home.

Dr Matiang’i, a staunch Christian who doesn’t drink, probably never spends an evening at his home, whether on duty or not. So, why would he make such a grave joke?

None of your friends was counted by the way, which means it was a wasted weekend. This must never happen again. Never again should a country give a man so much power to act like an autocratic boarding master of a high school.

Because nothing can ruin a marriage faster than a man who spends his evenings at home. Any married man knows he does not have a home, rather a boarding facility. Visit any home (with the exception of the super-rich who can afford such luxuries as a fireplace or the man’s seat), and you will find there is no place for a man in his home.

The living room is filled with the children’s toys and stuffed with needless furniture and draped in some really grotesque colours that meet the taste of the wife. You are not allowed to complain about her taste, even when it is flawed. In the bedroom, the wife hogs all the space in the wardrobe and the remainder is always her hair, her clothes strewn all over. Back in the living room, you never can even watch the news because either the kids are watching cartoons or some kid flick on Disney or she is binge-watching some unwatchable series on Netflix.

This is the precise reason bars and pubs were invented. So that men can have a place to be before they go home to sleep. Because no wife wants her husband home. From their body language to cooking bad food (cabbage and ndengu), to wanting their personal space, they are rarely receptive or in the mood for your presence.

If you ever find yourself home early, they will start asking some irrelevant question to mess with you. Because wives hate chilled-out men, they must brew some trouble.

All married men understand this basic premise and stay back at work, meet friends and anything to minimise contact with wife. Because marriages, since time immemorial survived when there was some distance.

Most marriages are troubled nowadays because men and women are now forced to live together. Back in the day when the man worked in town and the wife stayed in the village, such marriages had a 100 per cent guarantee. Staying together brings so much friction.

So, it is sad that a man as old as Matiang’i could make such an error of judgment. And for that, most men will never forgive him.

You had to beg kids for the remote to watch the weekend matches and they were all lined up well, meaning you needed 10 hours of watching the three matches (Chelsea, Manchester United and the day’s clash, Liverpool versus Arsenal).

You couldn’t help but envy my colleague, Tony Mochama, who was having a good time in Italy, oblivious of Matiang’i’s reckless, marriage-compromising decree.

Dr Matiang’i, never do such a thing again.

@nyanchwani

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