Girl code: Don’t be too quick to trust him

Shall we all assemble here and talk about those men who know what to say but not what to do? We will call them ‘smooth operators’ because of how they always sound.

Dear fellow ladies, if you happen to meet any man who scores so well when he talks but acts the opposite, run for your dear life because chances are your heart will not just be broken but torn apart. I don’t know how this happens but these men know just how well they can sweep you off your feet, even if you have a heart as cold as a freezer atop Mt Everest. Most of these men don’t mean what they say, they are just out to finish us on the ground.

I remember how I met one in 2013 who was always talking about catching flights. He even told me he would help me make my first million by mentoring me and guiding my path in the business world. Let’s just say the only flight he ever caught was the one that left my life. I kicked him out the very day I realised he was only talented in dreaming and not chasing those dreams. Had I stuck with him for another month, he would have scattered all my dreams and ambitions.

These men will call you 346 times a day just to tell you how much they love you. They have a way with words, it’s like they have a PhD in melting our hearts. Somehow they know what to say and when. However, their actions will never match their words.

“Baby I am going to seal a lucrative deal, honey I am on an international call, sweet pie I am driving, can we talk later?”  My sister, you will never see these deals, you will never experience the fruits of the international calls and you will never be driven in this machine he is always driving.

They are probably the idlest men. They have all the time to text you as late as 3am claiming that because of time difference, they had to be awake during that time to attend a Skype meeting with counterparts from abroad. Don’t even fall for those lies, all they are doing all night is play video games, that’s if their power hasn’t been disconnected.

These men equally have mouths that never get tired of talking, their imagination can win them a slot in the Guinness Book of World Records. No wonder they keep imagining they are kings surrounded by servants and they fully start behaving like King Mswati himself on the throne. Try to correct them or tell them the truth about their lives and you will apologise to your eardrums for causing them harm.

I tell you these men can quarrel. Not just quarrel but do it with both actions and words like the Nigerian women. They will even end their quarrels with a very long ‘mscheeeeeeew’ with their hands akimbo clapping at intervals and their voices suddenly turn from base to a sharp and shrill Alto that’s so irritating.

For the three-and-a-half decades I have lived on this earth, I have spent almost half of the time crossing paths with these specials beings. One even told me he didn’t understand how I could be living in a house that has only one washroom. You would think he lived somewhere in a mansion in Dubai yet he was marking time with me in Komayole. Meanwhile, he was a frequent visitor to that one washroom that he despised after feeding on food that I bought with my money that I earned after pursuing my dreams.

Anyway, what I am trying to tell you all, beauties, is to be careful with these tall, dark and handsome men who talk big. I won’t lie to you, they are an eye candy and can make your ovaries start doing the Shaku dance as soon as they approach you.

If you don’t stop the excitement of your ovaries, you will be the one doing Shaku dance alone in the labour ward with your clinic book reading xxxxxxx where the baby’s father’s name should be.

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