How I lost my rent to a lazy Corona spouse

Lekki Wak, the Sudanese model who has made my April hell (after I picked her up in Mombasa over Easter, then got stuck with her for three weeks in Nai coz of inter-county lockdown), finally left.

The problem is that she stole my work laptop, and took Sh40,000 from my credit card, as she took off!

As a bachelor who lives alone in my two-bedroom flat in Bedlam Apartments, I have never really had to fear ‘invasion of privacy,’ so I have this diary where I keep all my passwords.

Apparently, Lekki came across it one day when I was out, maybe at the mall, shopping for groceries from Carrefour.

Next day when I had gone to work (for an emergency meeting, observing social distancing, where our advertising boss and co-founder of our ad firm, Cynthia Worm, announced 30 per cent pay cut for May), Lekki Wak made her move.

‘Don’t be alarmed when you find your account has 30 per cent less your usual pay,’ Cy Worm said. ‘This Covid19 crisis has resulted in our average ad income falling by a whopping 50 percentage points, so the firm is even carrying that 20 per cent.’

I, Art Amacho, six foot tall, clean shaven, cologne smelling male, almost burst into tears!

I did the Math in my head – my gross monthly pay is Sh150,000, the State robs us of 50,000, which leaves me with Sh100,000, of which 40,000 is for my rent in Bedlam Apartments.

Of course I earn commission – but all of it goes into the Sacco, and paying for the Sh1.5 million loan I took to buy my purring Blue Subaru, and another half a million for my furniture loan (to impress the ladies I bring home) ...

If Worm has deducted Sh45,000 for her corona wormhole, that leaves me with Sh15,000 for the May month (and who knows when this Covid19 thing will end)? I wanted to weep!

When I got back home and found my work laptop missing, and Lekki gone, I feared the worst.

This was confirmed when I went to the banking agent at the shopping centre, and discover that from the Sh55,000 that was in my account (after Gava + Worm deductions), the Sudanese lass had withdrawn the Sh40,000 daily limit, from an ATM in Juja (she’s from Juba!), leaving just Sh15,000.

So now, I don’t even have money for rent – and in spite of all the street talk about ‘landlords should understand,’ I doubt the apartment agent Erastus Mwangi will even believe my story.

I started to stroll towards the Cop Shop, but ended up home, where I curled into a ball on the couch.

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