In a relationship, there is a stage where one person wants to step on the brake pedal and the other on the accelerator. Last week, as you weighed your options about settling with a narcissistic woman or quitting, she had her plans.
Carol suffers from some sort of personality disorder. One minute she is blowing very hot. The next, she is blowing very cold. This day when she comes back after delivering her baby to the father, she straight away suggests that you move in together. It sounds like something she has been thinking all along.
"It really makes no sense. We have been neighbours for nearly six months and five of which we have been dating, why can't we just move in," she says, smiling seductively and being overly playful.
"Why so sudden?" you ask trying to buy time to figure out how best to avoid the subject or at least postpone the whole debate.
"Does it make sense to you? We spend nearly half the time together, why not move in together and save the money?" she offers.
Today, she is moving at a speed that is unusual, barely giving you a minute to think...
"It is end month; we have to think really fast. And by the way, I had told the landlord that I am moving in with you..." you interrupt her with a sharp look.
"...Or at least out of this house, I am not staying this June..."
She is not giving you a chance to put in a word in edgewise. She has done a calculation and she added that last statement to scare or blackmail you into accepting.
"I am not opposed to the idea, but maybe we should give you a month and decide if it is the right thing. I don't believe in rushing things," you say, trying to be reasonable.
"I can stay with you for a month, if you don't like it, I can move out until you make up your mind..." she says almost begging. OK, what is the rush, you wonder. She is half begging, half commanding you. She looks you in the eye, waiting for an answer. And now you are a cornered man.
"OK. We can. Let's try, even though I feel that is really rushed but we will see..."
She goes on to list all the merits of moving in together in her estimation. She is very optimistic of the relationship, oblivious of your sudden change of heart.
She leaves to go whip out a meal. And that is the trouble with women. When they want something, they can go about it on their terms. She has basically bullied you into accepting to move in with you. She has offered to help pay the rent, though she makes it expressly clear that should be your job.
You notice that lately, she has become transparent about her finances, dreams and aspirations and flatteringly you feature in her larger picture. But you sense there has to be something behind her latest push.
"You know, I want to start my doctorate this July and I need to save as from July...," she explains to you when she serves you your best meal of ugali and chicken that she prepares with some spice that she gets from God-knows where.
It starts to make sense why she wanted to move in with you. You feel you are about to be used, but how do you say no to Carol?