Of Kenyan women who are desperate for love

Love when you are ready. Not when you are lonely. There is a great deal of wisdom in this saying. Loneliness is a rather compelling motivator. It prompts us to make some very poor decisions. When you choose to love when you are lonely, you run the risk of selling yourself short and settling.

Do you find yourself accepting any date just because it beats sitting at home alone on a Friday night? Are you seeing someone whom you know very well you are not compatible with but you continue to date him anyway because it is better than nothing? Do you feign interest in a guy just to get out of the house? All the above decisions are fuelled by loneliness.

A lot of people stick around in undesirable liaisons because they are afraid to be alone. Unhealthy dependencies develop when we choose to love because we are lonely. You should not be putting out love in the hope that you will get it back in return. You should love simply because you have love to give and you are doing well emotionally out of it. Love works best when it is shared, not acquired or desired or longed for.

Every unattached person gets lonely sometimes. The loneliness can be as a result of many things. Perhaps you have just discovered that your ex is seeing someone new and you feel the need to go out with someone, anyone, so you will not feel left out. Or you find yourself as the only unpartnered one in your clique of friends and you start throwing yourself at anyone.

 These kinds of circumstances only lead to dating disasters. Love only works if you have your mind in the right place. Loneliness will only drive you into regrettable relationships. You will find yourself running towards the wrong situations and the wrong people just to satisfy the need for intimacy and to feel less lonely. You will become that miserable lady who is seen seated alone at the counter at a bar at 3am in the morning smiling at everybody who looks her way.

Loneliness is not a disease. It does not need to be cured. It needs to be embraced. Even though it can be a difficult emotion to deal with, it can provide a wonderful opportunity for healing, reflection, and growth. Instead of looking to dating to get your social needs met, try other outlets like pursuing your interests and hobbies.

Everyone has an interest or passion, and sometimes a fresh activity or hobby could be just what you need to deal with feelings of loneliness. You can also take yourself out on a date or volunteer somewhere to deal with loneliness. Focusing on the needs of others steers your mind away from sad thoughts. It’s impossible to feel lonely when you are feeding the homeless, or visiting the sick in hospitals. Helping the less fortunate will also fill you with immense gratitude.

Go on dates out of actual interest in the other person, not out of loneliness. Being lonely sucks, but being lonely in the wrong relationship is even worse.