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Set time out for romance, love and tenderness

 How do we get our groove back? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

One of the things that I liked most about being newly married was how sexy we both were! There was always a hint of intimacy in the air, and we were passionate at all hours of the day and night.

But all that gradually drifted away as our careers developed and the children came along. And I miss it. How do we get back there?

Too Little

Chris says,

Hi, Too Little!

It helps to set some time aside from your schedule for romance and to ensure you get some privacy, even if it means sending the children to the grandparents more often.

But what will get you passionate together is a change of approach. Because it is not that sex makes you happy, but that it is the happiest couples who are the most passionate. So how do you 'get happy'?

Happy couples constantly remind each other of their best moments together. There have private gestures and jokes. When there are difficulties, they share their thoughts, without criticising.

They eat together and go to bed at the same time. They touch more than unhappy couples, but in briefer and non-sexual ways, which do not always have to lead to the bedroom. And they sit and sleep close together.

Being affectionate like that lays the foundations of a good sex life, but you also have to be seductive! Like you were in your early days together, mostly because everything was new and you were having fun!

You do not need to get back to all the craziness you felt, because the nature of desire changes. Love, trust and tenderness are the drivers now, but you do still need a hint of adventure. So it is worth shaking things up a bit. Have some light-hearted conversations about anything you fancy trying, and if your partner's willing, give it a go!

But above all, learn how to make each other happy, and think of it as your most important duty to one another. Because couples who are happy have lots of sex, no matter how long they have been together.

All the best,


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