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My wife prefers being with her friends to spending time with me

Marriage Advice
 Photo: Courtesy

My wife prefers being with her friends to spending time with me

Dear Coleen,

I’m in my late 40s and I have been married to my wife for more than 20 years.

We have three wonderful, grown- up children, who still live at home with us. I work hard and earn a good salary.

We have a lovely house and possessions and I try to provide everything they need.

However, my wife insists on going out with her ‘friends’ almost every weekend, regularly consecutive Fridays and Saturdays.

I am ‘not allowed’ to go with them because they are ‘girls only nights/days’. So I end up sitting alone at home, watching TV.

My wife and her friends regularly go away to ‘adult weekends’ at holiday resorts. I know she wears sexy and revealing clothes, which she has never done in my company, and she lies about it when I ask.

Furthermore, I’ve found out she is secretly planning to go abroad on holiday without me.

Whenever I try to talk about the situation we end up arguing. She screams and shouts at me and I always end up being the ‘bad guy’.

I love her so much and I regularly tell her so, but she never says the same to me or makes the first move with anything loving.

I’ve always bought her presents and flowers and have always done nice things for her. I just don’t know what to do.

Coleen says,

There’s nothing wrong with her having nights out with her friends – that in itself doesn’t mean she doesn’t love or fancy you.

And when she does, why are you sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself? If she arranges to go out, why not see your friends?

As far as holidays and ‘adult weekends’ go, though, I completely understand why you’re upset about that.

I think you have to change tack. Don’t engage in rows with her from now on, but make it clear that while you love her, you’re not putting up with anything and everything.

If she wants to turn your discussion into an argument, walk away and say you’ll speak to her when she’s calmed down. You need to get a bit of backbone and pride.

As lovely as you sound, maybe she’s feeling a bit stifled or perhaps she just knows that she can do anything at the moment and you’ll still love her, no matter what.

Maybe she wants to see the side of you that says, ‘Yeah, go out with your mates, I’m not bothered’.

I think she’s taking you for granted, but only you can put a stop to that by not allowing it to happen.

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