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Have your own money first before going out

 Want to go out? Have your own money first (Photo: iStock)

One day, a guy arrived with a woman at a house party I was in and she started throwing up.

She looked very young and I suspect she had been drinking on an empty stomach.

He scolded her for a long time and when she blacked out, he looked at her and said, "This has been such a waste of investment," and he left. The lack of care and compassion shocked me. He left her with strangers without being mindful of her wellness or safety.

He had bought her drinks in the hope of having sex with her at the end of the night and he could not be bothered to care about her humanity the moment he realised she wasn't going to keep the end of her bargain. I don't even know if she knew what was expected of her by the end of the night because I imagine she wouldn't have gotten wasted so much with someone who didn't care enough to worry about her safety or whether she was going to choke at night with puke.

He said: "This has been such a waste of investment." I looked at her and she reminded me of something I used to hear in school. Some girls often said it's possible to go out on any given weekend with no money and have a good time and it's weird how I had never thought of the inaccuracy in that statement until that day.

Going to clubs with no money and having a good time does not happen by chance. We can giggle about using men for money but you should never make the mistake of thinking you are smarter than them. They are not ignorant. They know we like them for what they can give and they will always give when they know you can be of service to them.

If you don't have money or at least bus fare, just stay indoors. Money is your safety net. It gives you the power to call someone out if he is touching you inappropriately.

It gives you the freedom to sit down without feeling like you must dance for him the whole night because he's bought you cocktails. Money gives you a voice and the audacity to call people out when they start making you uncomfortable.

Don't go to clubs without bus fare. When I stayed at school, there was always a girl calling late into the night or early in the morning asking for bus fare and you would know they didn't have any cash when they went out and the person they were with left without giving them money.

If you don't have enough transport to get you home safely, then you honestly have no business being out of the house. I swear we have all been bored before and we did not die. The world is not a safe place for women and you should be conscious enough not to expose yourself to more risk.

Unless you have money, do not fall for the peer pressure of going on a road trip or on a vacation with guys you don't know well. Don't leave the comfort of your room if you don't have any cash on you. People fall out. Breakups happen on vacation. Not being able to afford accommodation at night when new in a town is a risk you should never take. Bad things happen to vulnerable women in the streets at night. Don't follow strangers you have met in clubs to house parties or road trips. You meet, you have a good time and the next day you are going to Naivasha.  Someone mentioned that a lot of girls were abandoned at the safari rally and it broke my heart so much. 

Men pay bills most of the time but this should not hoodwink you into thinking you are completely safe with them. Always have extra cash on you just in case. Money is power and power is key as you navigate relationships with men. 

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