Men feign ignorance to get away from helping women

A few years ago, I requested a man I was dating to bring me tampons. Instead, he brought me sanitary towels. This man was college-educated meaning he could read but still, he brought me something I had not asked for. He was not blind. Maybe he genuinely didn't know what I wanted but that is no excuse. He had options.

He could have asked the supermarket attendants to help him get the right product since they are always there waiting to help, but he didn't. If he was afraid to ask, he could have googled the difference between pads and tampons. He did not.

He failed to explore the options he had and bought me pads when I had categorically asked for tampons because that is what men do to make sure you never ask them to do anything for you. Instead of saying no, they just perform the tasks you give them poorly so you know you can never rely on them for anything.

Many women in heterosexual relationships have experienced the same thing. Not just when it is a matter of picking the right sanitary products but also when men are required to help with household tasks, especially those that are culturally defined as womanly roles.

Recently, a woman on Twitter joked that she has to give her husband a grocery list that is accompanied by photos because he never gets the right things.

Feigned cluelessness

It might seem funny but this 'cluelessness' that men exhibit when they have to lend a hand at home has a name. It is called 'strategic incompetence' and they have been winning at it because when it comes to running errands at home, no one really expects men to do it. After all, they are men and they are not wired to be good at domestic tasks.

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Mothers have mostly dealt with the frustrating experience of parenting toddlers alone simply because their partners aren't equipped to help. When they are travelling, they have to send their children upcountry to their parents since their husbands can't handle the children alone. They are left to care for a child and they forget they are supposed to change their diaper in a few hours. You see, no one teaches women how to feed babies or change diapers. Caring for babies isn't a skill that comes pre-installed in a woman's body.

Most women like the idea of a man who cooks and brings breakfast to bed. It is something we would all want to experience but it is unachievable because most women do not want men in their kitchens. Women would appreciate help in the kitchen from time to time, but some men are bad cooks.

Further, some cannot clean after themselves. They will use every clean utensil and leave everything in the sink. They will disarrange everything and create more mess.

Ironically, when these men were bachelors, they used to clean, cook just to woo the girls. They wanted to create the impression of 'husband material'.

When they still had to impress girls, they knew how to fix proper meals and these skills somehow get lost the moment they find a wife.

By displaying their incompetence, men are able to wiggle themselves out of helping at home without coming off as a bad guy. The issue shifts from, "he refuses to help around the house," to "he loves helping but he just doesn't know how to."

By feigning incompetence, they are able to be these guys who married perfectionist wives that like doing everything by themselves.