Why you shouldn’t marry a man you can control

She is beautiful, courageous, a tough negotiator, knows her value and is assertive.

There is more to her than her looks...she makes executive decisions about where to go, who to interact with, where to socialise and is possessive-that’s the alpha female for you.

The alpha female has defied stereotyping that associates women with being the weaker sex, whose beauty is their only most valued possession. They want to be loved and they define the parameters.

Like a cheetah the alpha female loves speed, shuns mediocrity and plays equal in the perceived battle ground reserved for men.

Men, you have a choice - be intrigued or disappointed. However, if you love the alpha female, you will not want to give up. However, it depends on how you negotiate your space in her world.

You may end up miserable as a play boy or as a happy powerful partner. To some men, the thought of approaching an alpha intimidates.

The rat race

Girl, if you are an alpha female, you have to choose between the number of crowns on your side and having to slow down in the rat race so as to settle down.

If you are an alpha female, don’t marry a man because you can control him. Your feminine side will cry out for male leadership and protection at some point, and no matter the level of your career success, you remain a woman at the core of your being.

As an initiator, she can also inject new passion in the relationship as she is not just there waiting for the man to make a move.

Given her knowledge base, she can also be interesting company as she can engage at logic level. The alpha female has good connections for social and business.

In counselling alpha females, I urge them to be willing to loan their influence;using their advantage to make their men feel secure.

However, like in all relationships where fear of the unknown plays its intrigues, most alpha females fear that empowering their men will make it easier for them to cheat on them with more able and sophisticated alpha females in their world.

The risk in relationships where the men feel they are in the back seat is that while they enjoy the social and economic privileges and power trappings associated with marrying an alpha female is that part of their re-creation will be to seek friendship with women who have ‘wife qualities’ mostly associated with submission.

Salient qualities

To kick-start a relationship with an alpha female, connect with her passion.

Secondly, this is not the your place is in the kitchen type of a woman - or if you are dating or courting, discuss your expectations.

Third, the alpha female has a feminine side. If she allows you in her world, through your leadership, you can bring out those salient qualities.

Fourth, put your best foot forward - there are things you are good at that she is not, discuss your strengths. Fifth, know your value as a man, winning her respect by loving her and not demanding submission.

God commands women to submit to their husbands and men to love their wives. If you want a happy, fulfilling relationship, you must ascribe to the foundational values of love, trust and friendship.

Sheila Wachira is an Author, marriage and relationships counsellor; Email:[email protected]

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