It helps to unpair twins

By John Muturi

I have a lot of interest in twins and have always been fascinated by identical twins. As adults, the twins still live together, dress alike and certainly, seem to have never developed their individuality. On the onset, it looks interesting but I can’t help feeling there must be something wrong with this arrangement.

I have read quite a bit about twins, triplets and sets of children and I understand that they are separate individuals because they have separate bodies and brains.

Experts say families with twins can either enhance or obscure their individuality. They advise that such families must remind themselves that twins are two babies born at the same time and not conjoined souls destined to be linked forever as a pair. Irrespective of their physical semblance, they are different psychologically and emotionally.

Therefore, to grow up happy and secure as individuals, they need their parents or family to appreciate their differences.

Most twins develop strong social interaction with each other from a very tender age because they spend a lot of time together.

Fanning sibling rivalry

Hence, other siblings feel left out or rejected and this could heighten sibling rivalry with the other children. Furthermore, since twins really entertain each other (particularly identical twins) they may not learn much from others.

To counter all this, you need to encourage the twins to play individually with other children.

The biggest challenge for parents when enrolling twins in school is whether they should be placed in the same classroom. There are a few things that you need to consider to help you make the decision.

For instance, if yours have proved to be competitive, being in the same classroom may trigger greater negative competition; a need to outdo each other academically and socially. In the process the twins might be derailed in their academic pursuits.

Teach them independence

At the same time, if they are too dependent on each other, then separation may help them become independent and develop individuality.

In case one twin is dominating and makes decisions for the submissive one, then a separation in classroom would be advantageous to both. While it may present some difficult challenges as the twins learn to separate from each other, eventually, it could restore the balance of the relationship and help both children succeed in school.

There is a word of caution from experts to parents that in their quest to promote individuality in their twins, they risk encouraging or imposing non-existent differences between the children. Identical twins and even some fraternal twins might have very similar interests and abilities.

Respect individual interests

They, therefore, should not be denied the chance to pursue the same hobbies, sports or lessons if that is their inclination. It is important to support and respect each child’s interests, however alike or different they may be. In deed if they have similar interests, try to encourage slightly different aspects of them.

If both are musical, they could play separate instruments. If both are sporty one could swim and the other play volleyball.

Finally, it is your responsibility as a parent to twins to ensure each child is accorded sufficient opportunities to develop his or her own interests, away from his or her twin.

Before we can even begin to do this, we must from the onset accept how important separate experiences are for each child’s individual growth.