Horrors married career women have to live with

“You married women are so lucky. You have a man to warm your bed on cold nights, he provides everything you need, he treats you like a queen, and your salary is all yours…” This was a rant from a single friend in her mid-30s the other day as we had lunch. I had to cut her short, because clearly she had a wrong impression about how grass is exceedingly green on our end. This is a belief that is held by many desperate single career women.

Though there are some marriages that turn out to be the promised land of milk and honey, the truth is that there are many married women who are just putting up a face to cover the hell they are going through.

Babatunde the lousy lover: My petite friend Nduta has been married for years to a gigantic man whose game is so down he does not know what knobs to turn and how to turn them. Because of his massive weight, my friend always complains that getting down with him is so messy, violent and exhausting -- it is like fighting with Yokozuna.  

Jumbo the wife batterer: Have you met a man who is so hot-tempered he beats a woman over every slight provocation like the food is not too hot, the kids have slept too early, the cat is too noisy, the TV remote control is lost? That is Jumbo, the husband to my childhood friend Liz. Jumbo is so violent Liz is in tears almost every day. But she foolishly chooses to stay with this beast despite having a high-flying job. My prayer is that she finds the courage to leave before it’s too late.

Lerroy, the cute lazy bum: Believe it or not, there are husbands who unashamedly sit idle in the house Monday to Monday watching movies, eating, bathing and sleeping, while the wife is busy hustling. And in the evening when she comes from work tired and famished, he demands for his conjugal rights? That’s Lerroy, a dear friend’s hot hubby. The man has refused to look for a job having realised that he has a donkey of a wife who can pay all the bills and offer him good sex. The worst bit is that despite all this, he cheats on her with the house girl, and wifey has chosen to look the other way for the sake of her innocent daughter who adores ‘daddy’.

Pete, the perpetual drunk: Oh, there’s a friend who is married to this drunkard who is so obsessed with his drink, he eats and breathes beer. Though the man provides everything for his family, the stress he takes her through is unbearable. He comes back drunk and disorderly in the wee hours and demands that he makes her fresh ugali and kienyeji chicken. My friend does all this with so much grace, it baffles me.

Shawn the serial cheat: When it comes to the title of worst husband, Shawn takes it. My friend’s hubby goes out with anything in a skirt: from the house help, to college girls, to interns in the office. It’s a marital crisis. I could go on and on…

The writer is a married working mother of a toddler boy and a pre-school girl. She shares her experience of juggling between career, family and social life.