Safely turning your fantasies into reality

Imagining intimate scenarios, whether romantic, adventurous, or taboo, is a natural part of human sexuality. According to psychologist Monica Oyoo, such fantasies are not only common but also completely normal.

She explains that they often reflect a person’s desires, emotional needs, or mental state and can even enhance intimacy.

Many people keep their fantasies private, but shame, guilt, fear, low self-esteem, body image concerns, personality traits, religious norms and cultural socialisation hold them back from exploring them.

For partners who want to bring fantasies into their relationship, Monica recommends open and honest communication. They should share what they want without fear of judgment and listen carefully to each other’s feelings.

“When both parties consent to cooperating, it builds trust and shows respect,” she says.

When it comes to action, Monica advises starting slowly.

“If you wish to be intimate in a public place, you can begin with a veranda. You can stop there if such a fantasy conflicts with societal norms,” she explains.

Other gradual approaches include reading romantic novels, watching films, or experimenting with safe alternatives.

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What matters most, Monica says, is creating an atmosphere of safety, comfort and non-judgment.

Fantasies can either enhance or complicate intimacy depending on how they are explored. Mutual agreement can strengthen a bond, but when one person is hesitant, Monica advises giving them time to think about it.

“Respecting boundaries, personal beliefs and psychological well-being matters,” she says.

Some fantasies are considered normal, while others raise concern, depending on the degree and impact. Safe fantasies are those that respect mutual consent and boundaries.

Harmful fantasies include those that may cause physical injury, strain a relationship, or harm one’s reputation, such as risky public sex. Unrealistic or unfulfilled fantasies can also create disappointment if one partner desires them and the other refuses.

Monica explains that there's a difference between healthy fantasies and compulsive sexual behaviour.

“Fantasies are a normal part of life, but if you belong to groups that demonise sex, you may see them as extreme. A person can seek help if they become obsessed, spend too much time fantasising, or allow fantasies to interfere with daily life,” she says.

Not every fantasy is meant to be acted upon; some are meant to remain purely in the realm of imagination, serving as a window into the inner world of human desire.