Is it possible to forget someone you loved so deeply?

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend recently broke up with me and I’m really struggling to move on. How can I stop thinking about him long enough to start building a new life?

Stuck

Hi Stuck!

Getting over a breakup is always hard. This is because a relationship becomes part of your identity, so when it ends, your sense of who you are is also shattered. Life after a breakup isn’t normal. Memories keep intruding and even preparing a meal can remind you of what’s missing.

It’s important to accept that you’re experiencing a range of negative emotions, as acknowledging these feelings will help them fade faster. Stop thinking of yourself as ‘moving on’ because that keeps your thoughts focused on ‘what you lost’.

It will also be much harder to get over your ex if you’re constantly seeing their face online, so unfollow them and quit checking their social media. So unfollow him and stop checking his social media.Create a new normal. Choose a new coffee shop. Change the furniture around. Try a new hairstyle. Start a new project. Hang out with new people. Make this new phase of your life as different from the last one as possible.

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This will shift your focus away from what you’ve lost and onto a new future. So think about what you’d like to do with your life. Do you want to study more? Or completely change your career? Get started right now.

Do something that’s all your own. Do something that will start to build a new identity for you that doesn’t involve your ex. Stop thinking of this as the time when you lost everything and start thinking of it as the moment when you finally started doing what you really wanted to do.

And date! It doesn’t have to be anything serious straight away, but you need to convince yourself that there are other people out there and that you haven’t lost everything just because one person let you down.

Before you know it, you’ll realise you’re in the middle of a whole new life. A far better one.

All the best,

Chris