Ten frogs you'll kiss on Kenyan dating sites before finding the one

Kenya’s dating scene is anything but boring, and when it comes to online platforms, it’s a full-blown safari of personalities! From smooth-talking schemers to shy sweethearts, hopeless romantics to holy rollers, you’ll have to kiss a whole lot of frogs, and maybe dodge a few toads, before finding your royal match. Here are 10 colourful characters you’re almost guaranteed to run into on Kenyan dating sites.

1. The shy brother

He’s a devout churchgoer, but painfully reserved when it comes to women in his physical environment. Online, however, he transforms into a confident suitor, freely dropping heavy mistari (pick-up lines). Behind the veil of anonymity, he is bold, but in person, he’s timid.

2. The criminal element

He’s not looking for love; he’s on the hunt for his next victim. Polished, fit, and charming, he crafts the perfect persona to lure unsuspecting targets. After gaining trust, he disappears, leaving heartbreak and empty pockets in his wake.

3. The saved, but stranded

He’s born-again and desperate to find a partner who shares his faith. Having failed to woo anyone in his congregation, he’s turned to the virtual world, prayerfully hoping to find a God-fearing woman. His profile reads like a sermon, and he’s quick to ask about your relationship with God and church attendance.

4. Past marriage age

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She was a long-time side chick to a married man, until the ticking of her biological clock became deafening. Now, with menopause approaching and no family of her own, she’s put herself kwa soko (on the market) to eventually settle down. She is open to marrying anyone who comes her way with sincere intentions.

5. The joker

She’ll chat, flirt, and agree to meet, but come the big day, she demands fare and then disappears. Phone off, promises broken. Later, she’ll casually admit that she “wasn’t that serious,” leaving behind a trail of ghosted suitors and dented wallets.

6. The snitch

Her real name? Classified. She prowls the platform using a pseudonym, scanning for familiar faces, particularly those with ecclesiastical ties. If she finds a bishop’s daughter, deacon’s niece, a family member or friend on the site, expect the gossip to travel faster than a viral meme.

7. The pretender

She’s well into her 50s, but her profile displays filtered photos of an 18-year-old. She’s even perfected a youthful voice for phone calls. But meet her in person, and you’ll be greeted by a wise grandma, not the university fresher she pretended to be.

8. The perennial member

He joined Tinder over a decade ago, and he’s still there. No one knows why he’s never matched successfully. Perhaps he’s picky, or perhaps the app is simply his comfort zone. Either way, he’s now something of a veteran, happy to offer advice to newcomers.

9. The curious observer

He’s not looking for love, just entertainment and out of curiosity. He scrolls profiles, initiates chats, and explores the terrain, not because he wants a relationship, but because he’s intrigued by the digital romance ecosystem. Think of him as a tourist in the land of love.

10. The opportunist

His goal? To find a well-off mumama to sponsor his lifestyle. That’s why he carefully selects platforms with older, financially stable women. His vetting process is ruthless: if she’s not loaded, he’s not interested.