A misogynist is a man who hates women, knowingly or unknowingly. You would expect him to present like a monster; flexing his muscles with a blood-thirsty look, but unfortunately, he doesn’t.
That is why he is so hard to spot. They have a few, or several, tricks up their sleeves, and that is what draws most unsuspecting women in:
You meet this handsome man in a bar, his charm is bewitching, and he does and says all the right things. You simply can’t resist him.
One thing leads to another and six months later; you’re already cohabiting, planning for a baby, or a wedding and already have a joint savings account.
This is the greatest paradox of a misogynistic relationship; it starts out with an exhilarating fever-pitched excitement. Gives you a euphoria, a drug-like ‘high’ and somehow you stop thinking straight. You’re caught up in a whirlwind and everything around you is moving at a lightning speed. A real-life soap opera.
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You barely know your partner
All your conversations seem superficial, some too good to be true, and his words somehow don’t match his actions and status. This man is shrouded in mystery.
Something tells you that there’s something terribly wrong. They say that women have a sixth sense, as a woman, I totally agree. It is common knowledge, nevertheless, that when a relationship moves as swiftly as these ones do, there’s a hidden danger.
Healthy relationships take time; you need to develop trust, openness and honesty. All these factors lead to real intimacy; you know your partner and your partner knows you. Fast-moving misogynistic relationships, however, provide what I like to call Pseudo-intimacy.
His “other side” appears
The dark side of the misogynist will always catch you off guard. His “other side” will soon appear, the direct opposite of the man you fell in love with. You never see the first slap, the first insult, the first blow or the first ridiculous ultimatum coming.
This is the male version of Ashley and Antoinette in Sydney Sheldon’s ‘Tell me your Dreams.’ Don’t get me wrong, he does not have Dissociative Identity Disorder, he was just really good at hiding his real nature at first.
Emotional and physical abuse
It all starts with an innocent joke or a little push. You will miss all the stages to these progressing to full-blown domestic violence. Soon, you will be dealing with constant intimidation, manipulation, physical attacks, blackmail and heated anger outbursts.
A once beautiful woman who once wore confidence as a crown will be trodden down to a timid little girl. She loses herself completely; her self-esteem, her self-worth and her self-respect remain a ghost of a distant past.
The Misogynist in the bedroom
Good sex is the glue that holds most misogynistic relationships together. He knows that he is good in bed and will use it as a weapon. He will mistreat you during the day and “compensate” for it at night.
The highs and lows can be very confusing yet highly addictive. This is one of the reasons why some women stay trapped in toxic relationships. They empathize and even justify the actions of their abusers, a condition commonly known as Stockholm’s Syndrome.
The other kind of misogynist is the direct opposite; he will body-shame you, criticize your skills and use sex as a form of punishment. He can be sexually sadistic. A woman who once enjoyed sex has no desire to do it anymore. It is now tainted with so much pain, she denies it.
Sexual withholding is one of the major ways women respond to sexual criticism or mistreatment. And this is the reason behind some sexless relationships today!