Confessions: He got fired after a deal gone wrong, now he wants my help

My marriage has been good over the last six years and we have not had any serious problems until my husband got fired in 2016. He was working in a good audit firm but he was set up by his colleagues on a money-laundering scheme that backfired and he was sacked without any benefits. It has proven hard to get another job because he cannot get a reference letter from his former employer and his contacts are no more. He stays indoors and watches TV all day. He has been pushing me to take a loan of Sh500,000 to help him start a business but I am afraid of losing the money if the business collapses. I support the family with everything and I would really like to help him get back on his feet but I am not sure giving him the money to invest is the right thing. I want to help him out but I don’t know how. Please advise me. 

{Agnes}

Boke says: 

Dear Agnes,

You are a strong woman and I commend you for remaining level-headed amidst all the pressure. It is unfortunate that your hubby lost his job, however this is not the end of the world. Job losses are becoming a normal phenomenon although it hits men and women differently but it is up to the individual to make a  comeback and reinvent oneself.  

The sofa and TV habit however, is not encouraging in any way. If he wants to go into business, discuss the nature of the business. Get to discuss the profit margins, location among other details. Let it be clear that business cannot be an escape route from idleness.  

It is already strenuous taking care of the family on one income so do not overburden yourself. I strongly believe that your husband is better off employed first than getting into business. Encourage him to get a job even if the salary is lower than his previous one. From there, he can raise his capital. Getting into debts for now can be very risky, knowing well that it will take a while before you can get a reasonable income from the business income. 

The other alternative is to start small. That way, he can give himself time and room to learn, make mistakes and learn again. I must also forewarn you to be on the lookout for manipulative acts that are geared towards making you feel guilty for not availing this money. Especially when he begins to blame you for his predicaments. Many women cannot handle this twisted truth, they only realise the truth when they are in deep  financial mess and the man has taken off into the arms of another female.  

Otherwise remain sober and  positive things will change.  

Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology