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Does your partner suffer from "daddy issues"?


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 Signs you may have daddy issues (Photo: iStock)

The origin of the term has not been established yet. It is suspected, however, that it came from Sigmund Freud's "Father complex". The Father complex develops when a child has a poor relationship with her father.

Daddy issues are not specific to women; men also go through the same. One thing that is common with daddy issues in both genders is an absent or abusive father.

The Psychology of "Daddy Issues"

According to The Father of Psychology, Sigmund Freud, 1856, a person goes through various stages of psychological and sexual development. One of them dubbed the Phallic stage, between ages three and six.

Freud stated that during this stage, the child 'falls' desperately in love with the parent of the opposite sex and views the other as a rival. A condition known as Oedipus and Electra Complexes in boys and girls respectively.

Oedipus is a character in Greek mythology who killed his father and married his mother. Electra is the woman who killed her mother to avenge her father.

This conflict will be resolved with time, Freud explained, when the child gets over these feelings and identifies with a parent of the same sex. It results in a healthy Sexual and Gender identity. When the resolution doesn't happen, a condition known as Fixation occurs.

Since being 'in love' with a parent isn't socially acceptable, the adult child will 'act out' this Fixation in other ways. These include egoism, low self-esteem, flirtatiousness, promiscuousness, paraphilic or abnormal sexual behaviour and attention-seeking in females, worthlessness and men that treat women with contempt.

Women who have "Daddy Issues"

The first man that any woman loves in her life is her father, and this relationship will draw a framework for all her future relationships with men. If it was loving, she will learn that men are dependable and she can trust them. Her future relationships are set for success.

If she, however, has an absent or abusive father, she gets a message that men are evil, will hurt her and are not to be trusted. Her romantic relationships are triggers for these feelings, she will be suspicious, defensive and even dramatic.

She may also be caught up in a cycle of going for Mr Wrong. A man who will mistreat her. She does this in an unconscious attempt to re-enact the relationship with her father. She is trying to 'fix' her father through this man. This is commonly known as Co-dependency.

Do this if you have 'Daddy Issues'

As a woman struggling with Daddy Issues try re-parenting the inner child; the young girl who sits deep inside you longing for a father's love. A father provides support, affection, approval and attention to the young girl. Give yourself all of them.

Validate yourself whenever you feel the urge to seek attention from people; to post that nude photo on Instagram or wear that skimpy dress.

Tell yourself kind words, and reassure yourself. If possible, write down a list of positive things about you and pin it somewhere in your room. Read it aloud as often as possible and with time you will come to believe.

Get a huge mirror and stare at it every day, and fall in love with the woman staring back at you. Tell her that is worth it, she deserves respect and shouldn't be sleeping around with just anyone.

Pay attention to yourself, self-care is a sure way out of any emotional snag. Try going to the spa, hit the gym, take yourself out and celebrate your wins.

A journal always comes in handy at helping one to become self-aware. Writing has a way of bridging us to the Unconscious mind. This is where the pain of the previous life is buried. Journaling helps us understand ourselves better and once we realize what we have survived, we appreciate ourselves even better!

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