Confessions: Am I in a relationship that’s going nowhere?

Chris,

I’ve been dating a guy for several months now, and while everything is OK on the surface, somehow I’m still not sure that our relationship is really going to work out.

Maybe that’s because I’m taking dating a bit more seriously than I used to, and so I find myself wondering just what it takes for two people to have a lifelong relationship together.

But whatever the reason, I’m finding it hard to be sure that my boyfriend is really the one for me. Is that even a real thing these days?

Really the Right Guy?

——

Hi Really the Right Guy?!

It’s perfectly OK to date without imagining a long-term future together. But once you do start wanting a lifelong relationship, then it’s important to decide whether your partner’s really right for you.

That can be surprisingly difficult, especially if you’re unsure of your own feelings. But the way you behave together will always warn you if all’s not well.

Like somehow your boyfriend never returns your calls. You’re always annoyed with each other. You suspect you’re not always hearing the truth. When you talk about the future, it’s somehow never about you as a couple. You haven’t met his family or friends, and know next to nothing about how he spends his time when he’s not with you.

Your boyfriend is always telling you to change, or you want him to change. The same issues keep coming up, again and again, and there is lots of mixed signals: when you try to get closer, he pulls away. When you try to move on, he suddenly gets closer.

You should feel able to discuss your feelings for one another. If you can’t, and he isn’t saying anything either, then you’re in a ‘going nowhere’ relationship.

Maybe he acts like you are single when you are in public? You spend little time together? You never know when you’ll next see each other, and it’s difficult to arrange to meet? You feel like you’re the one doing all the work? He’s forever asking you to come to see him, but never makes the effort to come to you? Or if he suggests a date that doesn’t work for you, he won’t adjust his schedule to suit yours?

Seeing him is either all about sex, or there is nothing happening at all. And somehow you have started thinking ‘I’ll never find anyone else.’ Or ‘I’ve invested so much time in this relationship.’ Or ‘Things will come right in the end.’ Or ‘Maybe this is as good as it gets.’

Well it’s not! So don’t compromise. Because a good relationship is joyful, warm, emotionally close and completely open and honest.

So if your current relationship’s nothing like that, then you need to start looking for one that is.

All the best,

Chris