Girl code: When her friends fight for her attention

We are currently welcoming infants who people have nicknamed ‘Covid-19 babies’ because most were conceived during the same period the pandemic started.

You know, I have been wondering how life is for new parents during these strange times. Initially, even before Covid-19, homes with newborns were basically out of bounds.

As much as people wished to visit the new mothers, there was that grace period given to them to at least bounce back from their ‘birth experiences’ and babies were given time to at least build some immunity. I am sure these ‘rules’ are even tougher with the emergence of Covid-19.

This brings me to my thoughts today. I have never understood why people always want to rush to visit a mother almost due or who has just had a baby. Personally, about a month before I had my baby, I had stopped receiving visitors.

All I wanted to do was to have some time alone either sleeping or thinking about how I was going to welcome my baby to this earth. That’s the period I learnt that indeed, expectant and new mothers need their space.

I know women’s bodies react differently to pregnancies. There are those who will be bubbly all through their pregnancies then there are those like us who will be walking around ready to fight anything and everything. It’s like we walk around looking for trouble. I saw very long days during my pregnancy. Most of my friends tried reaching me in vain. I was always lying that I was busy elsewhere while, in real sense, I was always in the house sleeping or just relaxing.

The third trimester of pregnancy needs people who understand what it’s like. This is not the time to start organising unnecessary visits involving these expectant mothers.

This should not only end with pregnancy but should go on after birth. I actually have a problem with people who flock to a hospital to go pay a visit to someone who has just had a baby. I don’t know about you but I personally would want some space during that time. Especially from big groups.

Now, one or two visits from close people is okay but when you decide to carry a whole battalion, I might just as well pretend that I am sleeping all through your visit. That’s if you will catch me unaware.

However, if I see you before you see me, trust me, I will carry my bundle of joy and hide till you go back to where you came from. Not because I don’t want to see you but because I need some rest.

People should at least give new mothers time to erase ‘labour experiences’ from their minds and study their children. We even have those visitors who will show up once you are back home and expect you to stay awake and catch up with them during their visit. I am a living example of how soundly someone can sleep with her visitors waiting in the living room.

One more thing, my fellow ladies, there’s no prize to the best ‘girlfriend’ when handling a new mother. Why would a group of friends compete to please a new mother? Sometimes such characters even show up during baby shower plans. A group of the same friends end up being divided into two or even three and each group wants to turn out as the best.

If such groups are not tamed at the ‘baby shower’ level, they are the same groups that will compete to visit the new mother in hospital. I have seen friendships break up because of this silly reason. It just isn’t worth it my fellow ladies.

I hope that, with this pandemic, we have learnt what boundaries are and that we shall continue to respect them. Visit homes with newborns only if you have to and leave as soon as your business ends there.

To my fellow ladies who share a friend, it doesn’t matter who sings the loudest, pumps in the most cash or organises the party during a baby shower.

In an expectant mother’s eyes, everyone else apart from her unborn baby stands on the same line. So stop competing with the baby for its mother’s attention. You will never win!

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