x Eve Woman Wellness Readers Lounge Leisure and Travel My Man Bridal Health Relationships Parenting About Us Digital News Videos Opinions Cartoons Education E-Paper Lifestyle & Entertainment Nairobian Entertainment Eve Woman Travelog TV Stations KTN Home KTN News BTV KTN Farmers TV Radio Stations Radio Maisha Spice FM Vybez Radio Enterprise BULK SMS E-Learning Digger Classified The Standard Group Corporate Contact Us Rate Card Vacancies DCX O.M Portal Corporate Email RMS
Login ×
BTV
VAS
DCX
RMS

Signs you have an anxious attachment style

Girl Talk - By Audrey Masitsa | November 4th 2020 at 08:34:48 GMT +0300
You draw your happiness from your partner (Photo: Shutterstock)

Attachment theory was first created to explain emotional connections i.e. how children connect to caregivers and how adults connect to other adults.

Your attachment style as a child can have lasting effects on your attachment style as an adult. People who clung to caregivers out of fear of abandonment or whose parents’ behaviour was inconsistent tend to have an anxious attachment style.

What is an anxious attachment style?

An anxious attachment style often shows up as insecurity in relationships. One tends to need constant reassurance from their partner.

Below are signs that you have an anxious attachment style

1. Constantly needing reassurance

When you have an anxious attachment style, you need to hear that your partner does indeed love and value you. You want them to tell you what they see in you and this feeds your self confidence. You become clingy trying to hold on to your partner because you fear that they’ll leave you. All this happens as a way to convince yourself that your partner will stay.

  1. READ MORE
  2. 1. 30 worst dating nightmares revealed
  3. 2. How to offer support to a loved one who has been financially abused
  4. 3. When love costs too much
  5. 4. How to deal with rejection

2. Jealousy

This is often as a result of distrust and a fear of rejection. You feel the green-eyed monster rearing its ugly head whenever your partner interacts with friends and family, has a life outside the relationship, or when outsiders flirt with him.

You pick fights in order to get your partner's attention (Photo: Shutterstock)

3. Sensitivity to your partner's behaviour

Any changes in your partner’s behaviour, be it how they speak to or interact with you, their moods or even tone of voice triggers you. You fear-meter runs on high and you imagine that your partner will abandon you.

To try and gain more control over the relationship, you might become clingy, trying to draw your partner closer but you could do the opposite and push them away.

4. You try to manipulate your partner

Should your partner do something that triggers you, you react by acting out trying to get a reaction from them. You want to gauge how interested in you they are. This often comes about as issuing threats to leave, ignoring texts and calls, trying to make them jealous, picking fights and lying.

5. Overly depending on your relationship

We’ve seen before that even though you are in a relationship, it’s good to have a life outside of it. If you have an anxious attachment style you want to spend all your time with your partner. Their interests become yours. You draw your happiness from your partner. You forget that even though you are a couple you are individuals.

With a little work, you can change the behaviour of an anxious attachment style. Since this attachment style is as a result of your past experiences, facing them, perhaps through therapy and speaking to the person who hurt you, can help reduce any fears of abandonment that you have.

Speaking to your partner about your triggers and how they can help you manage them will also help put them in the loop so that they understand what you’re going through.

Working on your self-esteem is also important. Remind yourself of your worth, abilities, achievements and practice a little self-care to grow your self-love.

Top Stories

Girl code: I should have dated the boring campus guy
Girl Talk - By Beryl Wanga Itindi


Kelly Rowland shows off baby bump as she's days away from due date
Entertainment - By Mirror


From teacher to second lady to first lady: What you need to know about Jill Biden
Achieving Woman - By Derrick Oluoch


What we will miss about Melania and Ivanka Trumps’s fashion sense
Fashion and Beauty - By Lolita Bunde


'I went on a double date with my mum and it really went well - until we got the bill'
Girl Talk - By Mirror


US First Lady Melania Trump snubs Jill Biden, refuses to show her around White House
Entertainment - By Mirror


Kim Kardashian and Kanye West quit marriage counselling as he 'instructs lawyers'
Entertainment - By Mirror


Four mild Covid-19 symptoms you shouldn't ignore
Health - By Mirror


7 Benefits of using eggs for facial treatment
Skin Care - By Naomi Mruttu


Dry-humping can get you pregnant...even with your clothes on
Health - By Daily Mail


Latest Stories

'I went on a double date with my mum and it really went well - until we got the bill'
Girl Talk - By Mirror


How to deal with rejection
Girl Talk - By Esther Muchene


When love costs too much
Girl Talk - By Caroline Njoroge


How to offer support to a loved one who has been financially abused
Girl Talk - By Caroline Njoroge


Girl code: I should have dated the boring campus guy
Girl Talk - By Beryl Wanga Itindi


How to move on after a breakup
Girl Talk - By Audrey Masitsa


Confessions: Should I reach out to cheating friend caught having Zoom sex with another man?
Girl Talk - By Mirror


Woman shares "cruel" text sent by mistake from man she'd been 'dating for a year'
Girl Talk - By Mirror


Confessions: My husband is moody all the time and I'm miserable
Girl Talk - By Hilda Boke Mahare


Five signs you are in a healthy relationship
Girl Talk - By Esther Muchene


Stay Ahead!

Access premium content only available
to our subscribers.

Or Login With Your Standard Account
Support independent journalism

Please enter your email address to continue

Support independent journalism
×
Create An Account
Support independent journalism
I have an account Log in
Reset Password
Support independent journalism
Log in