Bwana ni bwana, drop the expectations
By SCOPHINE OTIENO | 3 years ago
A few days ago, a bosom friend and yours truly were seated at a joint and no, it was not one of those random girl Kamukunjis — it was a planned hang out. We needed to catch up after long absence plus she needed closure after a break up.
Dear reader, never underestimate a tete-a-tete between girlfriends, it is never that mundane especially when it is over a glass of fine beverage. Yes, they could be toasting to the downfall of former flames, to better weaves and more coins but it is also in such that they can plot what kind of a man can make cute babies.
Well, men meet to talk for hours about grave issues like butts and football too so...
Jaber as I fondly call her is the type that after a few pints of the blessed waters hits her system, begins neighing like a horse and trust her to be at her most candid. Not like I mind because when imbibed she devolves mushene faster than a crooked MCA splashes per diem.
A guy walked in and her eyes lit-boy! wasn’t he a piece of work! He was fine like aged wine and wore confidence like a badge of honour. The aura of sophistication he wielded was as intimidating just as it was impressive. I let her drool for a moment and we both stole gazes at him from time to time.
“Oh, how he reminds me of *George,” (Her ex) I rolled my eyes.
“Come on girl, not again. I thought we are done talking about that; let us talk about something else like what are your deal breakers?”
I wanted to bring in the subject because her supposed ideal as opposed to what I considered real deal breakers were the reason if she were to get a atrophy for every time she broke up with someone then Christiano Ronaldo’s trophy cabinet would have nothing on her. And my shoulder was getting a too damp and heavy-if you get the drift. Hardly had we gotten over our eye candy than we heard him shout at the waiter for guess what, delaying his order.
Well it is not judging, but there is what we call the hallo effect, which basically means the perception one gives during the first meeting. More often than not , it speaks volumes about whom they are and from the guy’s outburst, he came about as really fussy and ill-tempered. However, we — no — I brushed him off and tried to have a conversation with Jaber who could not keep her eyes off the man.
“Hey, do you realise that your obsession with certain kind of men is why you cannot stay in a tangible relationship?” I said alluding to her stares at the guy.
See, like many women out there, Jaber is mesmerised by a man’s physique than anything else. She would settle for a good-looking, well chiselled guy and disregard other things like his personality and character and to her, not having a good body and looks to match was her deal breaker.
Ideal versus real has been our anathema as the so called modern women. What we settle for and the flimsy reasons we call deal breakers are the reason we are cursing out and hating all men over our poor judgments. If your deal breaker is say children and have purposed never to date a single father or a man with a baby mama, then girl you need Jesus.
I once heard a woman say that she can never marry a man with a living mum because, she cannot handle mother-in-law drama. That is as crazy as it gets, so this one my end up 60 and miserable still hunting for a man whose mother is dead.
So next time you find trouble getting a good man, ask yourself if your deal breakers are an impediment towards the same are they real or are they just ideal because the latter is a facade. It is what you want versus what you need.
You want a man who can take you on vacation across the globe but is that what you need? Things like tribe, race, and financial status should not be a major deal breaker. Even education to some extent shouldn’t. When you insist you want a man with a Masters degree because you have one and shun good men who can make you happy because they have Diplomas, please do not blame your evil step-mother for bewitching you when you end up lonely. It is all your fault.
Quit pegging on flimsy things like looks. If his face is shaped like a soda bottle but he treats you like a princess, grab him. So to Jaber and all other damsels out there, focus on the real deal.
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