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Six simple techniques couples use during arguments

Divorce Center - By Esther Muchene | January 25th 2021 at 10:17:56 GMT +0300
Arguments among couples are common (Photo: Shutterstock)

Do you sometimes see your partner and feel like you’re about to lose your marbles? The truth is, relationships have their seasons of ups and downs.

There are times when you will find yourself disagreeing or even arguing over something that happened.

When a relationship doesn't have a good foundation, each disagreement will threaten its stability. But a healthy one will bounce back or even strengthen it after the issue is solved.

There are common conflict resolution strategies that healthy couples use like the ones in this list.

Try them out whenever you're not on the same page with your partner and rest assured, you will recover without damaging the relationship.

  1. Time out

The time out technique is one where you both stop arguing and separate so you can cool off. While an argument is going on, emotions rise sometimes to an uncontrollable level.

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It’s nearly impossible to effectively solve the issue when you're both worked up which is why you should take a step back and review the situation later when you are calm and can think clearly.

  1. De-escalation

Every argument first starts as a disagreement. As the disagreements build and emotions rise, what was once a disagreement shifts into a full-blown argument.

An argument then develops into a fight and so on. By the time the disagreement develops, you might notice that what you're now arguing about has nothing to do with what you were initially disagreeing on.

Mistakes from the past might be brought up and you might both do things to intentionally trigger each other.

Whenever you notice the argument is shifting to things that aren't necessarily about the main issue, prevent that escalation from happening. Deal with the other issues later and stop yourself from making the situation worse.

Couples that successfully recover from storms give up the need to be right during arguments (Photo: Shutterstock)
  1. Loving communication

Always restrain yourselves from insulting or belittling each other. These bad habits are part of the reasons why arguments escalate to dangerous territory.

Communicate openly, honestly and lovingly whenever you're not connecting with your partner.

Develop self-control to a point where you would never even picture yourself insulting your partner.

  1. Benefit of the doubt

Couples that successfully recover from storms give up the need to be right during arguments. If the emphasis is on winning the argument all the time, the situation will always become counterproductive.

When the relationship is built on trust and you have both done your part to maintain that, you should always seek peace rather than forcing a win for yourself.

Of course, there are certain situations where you will need a deeper resolution technique but for the petty disagreements, this works.

Find someone who can find a middle ground for you (Photo: Shutterstock)
  1. Mediator

There are certain arguments that can completely threaten the existence of your relationship. Some issues can’t be simply ignored or handled easily without intervention.

It would be a good idea to find someone like a counsellor, therapist, friend or a trusted family member who can find a middle ground for you.

  1. Love letter

Writing a love letter is a revolutionary technique that has helped couples reconcile. When you put your feelings on paper, you effectively communicate with your partner without breaking the relationship.

This technique also gives you time to heal because you're letting the painful emotions out in a healthy way. Every time you are done writing, you realize that you are not even mad anymore.

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