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Never date a journalist unless it's an emergency!


The workplace remains the most common and appropriate place for people to meet and get attracted to each other. People in the same profession are therefore bound to meet, often, be it on official duty or socially when out of their respective offices. Journalists are no exception. Just look around newsrooms and you won’t miss finding a couple. Legal couple or otherwise, but yes - you’ve definitely come across one or two. And it’s pretty cool, no?

Just recently on the socials, people of the Fourth Estate went through an “unless it’s urgent, never date a journalist” banter. It was a real wueh moment because kwani what do these (other) professionals think of us? Well, it was pure banter, we actually enjoyed it and made fun of the whole issue. After all, they say, opinions are like noses and each one of us possesses one.

I attended a Scribes’ end-year party last weekend and, man, these people should just date each other! Journalists. Who in their right senses even dates such weird people? Understanding a journo and their way of life and doing things can be one of the most difficult situations one can ever find themselves in.

These are people that any normal human can’t stand, apart from their counterparts. Journos can be annoyingly very loud, with unnecessary noise all over the place.

Boring fast

See, a writer, an editor, a camera person, and anyone in the media industry is always assumed to be an exciting human. Lies. This is one fat lie that y’all out there believe or are made to believe. You haven’t met a very boring journalist! Actually, a good number of these people are not as exciting as they sound behind the mics, in front of the cameras, and in newspapers. A good number of them are just keyboards and mic warriors but very boring pieces of humans in real life. You’ll be there seated with them waiting to hear interesting stories, and they’ll be staring at a bottle of wine wondering who in the name of alcohol just woke up and decided to brand a wine “Four Cousins”.


Scattered brains

These people just need each other because of their crazy working schedules, timelines, and busy days on end. You’d die of a dry spell then? What will you tell people? Editors are not kind humans, in all honesty. They can be very unforgiving. We’re here having all the fun in the world like our lives depend on it, but the camera people need to walk all over the place to get the best angle for their shots, get away from the loud ones to edit out abcd and voice stories because si he is at work and the unforgiving editor back in the newsroom needs to fix this story in the bulletin. If you ain’t a journalist, you just won’t gerrit!


Nosy brats

Haaa! Ever been out on a date with a scribe and they get story ideas from anything and everyone? Even a spoon! A journalist will write about you. About your ugly nose and big forehead. Madam writer will be there having her favourite cocktail but creating an article in her mind, why you can’t correctly use the fork and knife. And why don’t you even have a beard, at 37? Fear these people. They’ll write bad things about you. You can never be safe. Let them have themselves!



Show me a journo who doesn’t love food! Yani the party has not even begun, it’s 6 am and ninety-nine per cent of these hungry people are asking about food on the WhatsApp group! I know we all love food. But the love for food by Scribes should be awarded. I think these are those ones you’ve always been warned against  - you’d plan for a coffee date, babe orders for a full-course meal. Let’s give it to them. On food, they don’t joke. We hammered a good number of mbuzis that night and we almost fought over pieces of mutura! 



Do y’all want me to honestly say something about this? You’ve been in the company of a Scribe where bottles come in twos, no? Newsrooms and media house offices should have a ka small bar at the corner or downstairs with all brands of booze. Because wueh! These idiots can finish tones of liqour and still be sober like nothing happened!

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